i know he was kidding but I thought about it and, would i enjoy it if he choked me? stabbed me? I don’t know. I mean, I do want to die.

i wouldn’t mind if it was you

i hope maybe, in a weird way, i could get you angry enough for you to actually maybe scare me away or get rid of me. I don’t know. I’m weird. I’m sorry Elu, I love you, really. sort of. I’m not worth being friends with you. I’m not worthy of you’re kindness or anything.

Maybe one day I can find the courage to leave you alone.