Some background info for those not familiar with my posts. The daughter in the title is not my biological child, and I have no claim to her in a legal sense, either. She is my ex-fiancée’s daughter. We were together for 5 1/2 years, and she left me for no reason earlier this year.
She then proceeded to completely erase me from her life. And so have her kids. She has gone back to her ex-husband, who she left in order to be with me. I haven’t seen her or the kids since February 1st.
To this day I don’t know what I did to deserve this. No matter the pain they have caused me, all I think about is them. All I want is to reunite with them one day, even though I know it is impossible.
Dear Daughter,
Happy 15th Birthday. I remember the day you came to me and asked if I would be your dad. Your mom had recently told you that her and I were seeing each other secretly for a few months. I had been against telling you, because I was afraid you’d be mad at me.
I was wrong. You were thrilled that your mom had found a man as good as me, you said. You texted me that I was the most wonderful man you had ever met. You asked me to take over the duties of being your father.
Even though I was scared, I readily accepted the responsibility. I already loved and cared for you, so this was just another important step. That day I told myself that I would do everything in my power to raise you the best I could.
I couldn’t love you any more if you were my own flesh and blood. In my mind and heart, you are my own daughter in every sense of the word. There is nothing I wouldn’t sacrifice for you.
I found your old letters, drawings and cards you gave me over the years. I kept everything. Reading them now made me cry for hours. You said so many things. Made so many promises. And now they are all gone.
You said I was the best dad in the entire world. You said no matter what happened in the future I would always be your dad. You said I came into your life and made it all better.
And now it’s your 15th birthday. I’m not even allowed to send you a card, let alone see you. I haven’t seen you or talked to you in over 3 months. I have missed you and thought about you every single day.
I wonder if you have thought about me at all. Have you? Have you ever wanted to pick up the phone and call me? Text me? Anything? Do you ever worry if I’m OK? Because you must know I’m not.
How can a father be OK when he can’t even send his own child a birthday card? How can a father be OK when he can’t hear his child’s voice? See her face? See her smile?
I miss you more than words can express. But I’m nothing to you now. You have erased me along with everyone else. I wonder if I’m even a memory, or did I exist at all?
Not having you (and your brother and sister and mom) in my life has made it unbearable. I have lost everything that meant something to me. My reason to live is gone.
I hope and pray that you are safe, healthy and happy. I hope you have a fantastic birthday weekend. And I secretly hope you remember your old dad, even for a minute. Because he still loves you with all his heart. Maybe one day you will realize that, but it might be too late.
So Happy 15th Birthday daughter. I love you and miss you lots and lots. More than the whole universe combined. Be the best you can be, and remember what I tried to teach you.
With all the love in my heart,
Your one and only Dad.
16 comments
That is so sweet. That seriously brought tears to my eyes.
I hope see has a wonderful birthday and that you’ll see her again someday.
Thank you. But it seems unlikely at best, impossible at worst.
Wow………this brought back my memories of a lady I know. I am proud to call her my Mom though like you it is not by blood. It really doesn’t matter. I am confident she would do anything in this world for me. In fact, your words could have easily been hers. We were meant to be together from the beginning.
But it wasn’t always that way. The first time I met her was 15 years ago when I was only 11 years old. I fell in love with her and was devestated when after a little over a year she left without saying goodbye to us kids at the church. I did not see her for 5 years after that but maybe a handful of times for a few seconds should we happen to be where she was at the same time somewhere in town. I prayed and prayed each time we went out to see her, to hug her and get the chance to tell her I loved her and missed her. But 5 years went by and not much contact at all.
Fast forward to 2006 and I had been struggling with depression and things of that nature for 2 years at this time. She heard I had been bakeracted by a mutual friend and soon got in touch with me again. From there, we began to rebuild our relationship. She got me help (something not even my Grandma would do in 6 months she did in 1 month…..) and I even lived with her some starting the next year. It was then we began to live like Mother and Daughter and her new husband became a second dad to me and my life was still difficult but I felt I finally had a family that loved me and a means of support to get through the darkes days of my life.
That all changed in September 2008 when my Grandma got jealous and wanting more money and decided to guilt trip me into coming home. Being the sensitive person that I am I reluctantly agreed. And when they came over to ask me to live with them the next day I said no. It was the hardest “no” of my life Sir. But I had been threatened by an Aunt who didn’t want to take care of her Mother and in fear I listened to them. I watched my precious Mother-who meant the world and more to me just like your daughter does you-drive away not knowing if I would ever see her again. After all, now I was forbidden to see her, talk to her, or have anything in any way to do with my Mom. And to this day, my Grandma laughs when I say she is my Mom. Sadly, she cannot peer into my heart and see that family is more than flesh and blood but about those who are their for you when you need them the most.
Thankfully, my story has a happy ending. But it would be 3 years before I would be reunited this time and live with her again. In between my biological Mom has passed away and so she was the only one I had left. She took me back her and her husband and welcomed me home. For I truly felt I was indeed coming home.
Now, in 2015 I no longer live with her though should I need to she said I am welcome. My “second dad” sadly passed the year before last but me and Mom have learned from the mistakes we have made and keeping in touch with each other is an absolute MUST for us now. In fact, I just went with her to a Mother’s Day dinner last night at her church.
We have learned to enjoy each other a lot more than we used to and to overlook the faults of the other. We make the most of our times together when we have them. We never go long without speaking or “Facebook Messaging” at least anymore. We visit together often and our bond is deeper with each conversation we have with each other.
This is what my prayer is for you and your daughter. I know this is long and I apologize but felt you might like to hear my story. I have been on the other side of the fence. A girl wanting to see her adopted parent but couldn’t. My story has a happy ending and I am praying yours does as well. I also hope she has a wonderful borthday weekend and above all, I pray you are granted the bond with your daughter one day that me and me and my Mom share. It sounds to me like you also filled a void for her left by her real father. Mine was a void for a real mother but the feelings are all too familiar regardless. God bless you Sir and I hope you find that your daughter and you are drawn even closer by this and that if she is not aware of what she had before, that one day she does………………….because in my eyes she was truly blessed beyond belief!!!!!!!!!! You are in my thoughts and prayers Sir!!!!!! 🙂
So many think it is “not as bad” to lose someone who is not considered your flesh and blood. I disagree and rightfully so!!!!! Sir, I cannot imagine your heartache and I only wish you the best!!!!!!!!
Hey Lost 🙂 safe the long comments for a post! I could have missed this one!
Cephalus listen, I am a writer by nature, And um………oh, my “edit” button was/is broke on my laptop???? HONEST!!!!!!! Hahahaha I need to really get that fixed is that what you are telling me my friend????? LOL Besides, I was not really going to make a “post” per say as I just thought sharing a similiar story might be in order for this man…………I appreciate “fans” as much as the next person but if no one but this guy read the story then that is really all that was needed………….anyone else who it could help or just wanted to read it was simply a bonus. 🙂
Just a tongue in cheek comment.
I have made many a long comment that could have served as a post. Just my silly way of saying I enjoyed reading it and I think others would as well.
And my response was no dodunt my overly defensive self kicking in and really needless but it is always there. lol Thank you and keep in mind I am also just diving in myself. Just want to help……….100 long comments are worth it to help someone. 🙂
…………………….BUT ummm, maybe I should get the Edit button fixed on my laptop just in case no???? LOL
You are too kind!!!!!! I appreciate your encouragment!!!!!! 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I enjoyed reading it, even though I cried the whole time. I’m so glad it all worked out for you. And thank you for the well wishes. I hope you are right, but I’m afraid I have almost lost all hope. All I have are my memories, and they don’t bring me much comfort anymore. Thank you again for sharing your story with me.
I hope those were good tears……………. :'( I cried reading it too simply because all too often that is the way it happens. And though there are success stories some never make it back and are reunited. Not to be negative, just being real and you know that. I will be one of the most encouraging people but I on’t do false hope and things to make people feel good that may not be true!!!! But I sincerely hope you are one of the success stories. It seems to me if your daughter loved you as much as it sounded she will remember that bond it seems you guys had going there. We don’t forget it you know.
In fact, all the times my Mom made me mad, in between when I couldn’t or was for some reason unable to talk to her or see her, etc. Even when people would talk against her……….I never turned my back. I had a friend ask me one day on the phone how she was doing. I replied “Mom’s is doing real well.’ To which she was shocked I still considered her my Mom. I was just as shocked. But then, a lot of people are not big believers in blood NOT being thicker than water. I am a big believer that “water” at times and various situations can be even thicker.
But it sounds to me she was once close to you. It can happen again!!!! Keep hoping and believing. If you do ever get the chance, remind her you love her and you are here for her anytime. I am sure I don’t have to tell you that NO child can hear that enough. Especially from one of their parents!!!!!!
Oh and one more thing………..I know how the memories can be more harmful than comfoting at times. It often served as a cruel reminder of what I had lost. And what I could have continued to have with just that 1 little word:yes. I held on to the hope that we would be reunited. I could not really allow myself to believe otherwise. I could not bear it. But anyway, you are in my thoughts, prayers, and the well wishes are always there Sir!!!!!! Be blessed and keep us updated OK????? 🙂
All I see and read is love.
Thank you. But it’s so sad when love becomes one sided. It used to be a two-way street. Now it’s just an old guy reminiscing about the good old days when his daughter loved him and needed him.
I know what you mean. While I never had kids proper. I have not seen our “boys” (animals) since she left me. I can’t even imagine how terrible it would feel if it was an actual person. The sad thing is her last words were she loves me. I have not heard anything since for 8 months. I don’t even know what to think anymore.
Cephalus, I just wanted to say for my 2 cents that your statement is beautiful!!!!!!!! And though I cannot take credit for it, I do agree, all I see and read is love as well!!!!!!! 🙂 And you see?? You should have been on earlier and saved me the writing you insist should have been saved for a post. All those words and you summed it up quite nicely in one sentence!!!!!! Excellent work friend!!!!!
(Sorry if this is a bit of a hijack wortheless_loser 73)
I often feel that way when I read someone elses comments. It’s like damn, I should not have said anything, they said what I tried to, but better. However, I don’t feel that way about what you said here in the slightest.
And one more thing Cephalus and I am signing off, but you made a comment about your “boys.” I just thought I would add that the only “kid” I am likely going to have is a little Chihuahua that stole my heart about 6 1/2 years ago……….well, OK, she didn’t even look my way at first to be honest. BUT we got her home and she has not looked Grandma’s way with the adoring little face of hers since!!!! Lol But they are the best “kids” and companions. They will often put the best of humans ashamed with their unconditional love and loyalty to their Masters. I have always said we could learn a lot from them……….so, nothing wrong with that and missing them SO much. People would be amazed to learn how close one can be to their furry, 4 legged friends!!!!! I know I LOVE my baby to pieces!!!!!!! Her name is Misty. 10 years old and a wonderful companion. So, I TOTALLY understand that!!!!!!!! OK, REALLY getting off now………ha, Mom is SO right!!!!!!!! The Internet is addicting at times……..hahahaha OK, until tomorrow goodnight everyone!!!!!!!!! 🙂
Thank you, but when I read your comment I thought “THAT is it right there!!!!!” The whole sum of this guys post and the story I related to him………..summed up in the word LOVE. I am hoping one day his daughter will see the same and realize that love once more. Until then, we are here to talk to him and support hi-wait, why am I telling YOU that for and not him???? hahahaha Perhaps he can read it?? I REALLY have to get off here now. 🙂