Hi, my name is Elli but it’s pronounced Ellie. I’m going through depression and self harm. If you would like details about this, comment what you would like to know. At this point in my life i’m almost numb from pain and I’ve lost many of my friends. A few are there for me but I just feel like they don’t understand me. If anyone else is experiencing the same thing as me or if you just need someone to talk to, please comment. I just got this account and I want to know if there is anyone like me out there. I just feel alone. Please comment and yeah!
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hi ellie im in need of a friend too am going through pretty much the same as you
It would be great to be friends with you! 🙂 can I ask what your story is?
ive been in depression for the past 4 years i get paranoid very easily and feel scared about everything so i dont talk to people and stay to myself
That’s exactly how I feel, I understand what your going through. Have you ever experienced self harm?
i have cut my self before and tried over dose on pills i dont wanna live anymore
Well, you should live because your worth it.
thanks no1s really told me am worth living 🙂
Well you really are worth it!
what caused your depression?
hi moonshine are you asking me or elli
both of you!
Hi MoonShine,
I’ve lost many friends and a girl my age was very close to raping me. I’ve had a boyfriend and he said if I commit suicide that he will too, I ended the relationship but we are still friends. I guess he is one of the reasons I don’t commit suicide. My parents would often yell and fight when I was younger and that is a big part of it too. My parents are divorced now and I travel back and fourth from their houses. I just feel like I don’t belong. If you have any other questions feel free to ask. 🙂
Although I have no experience with cutting, I do know a bit about depression and suicidal thoughts.
Not to stereotype, but from your post I get the general sense that you are fairly young. Especially since cutting is generally seen more with teenage girls than any other group.
My daughter turned 15 two days ago (if you would like to read more about that click on my name and you will see a list of my posts) and I was always concerned about this subject. She is a very warmhearted, sensitive girl, and she had been bullied before. I hope she is doing ok. Haven’t seen her or spoken to her since February 1st.
What sort of issues are leading you to self harm?
I’m so sorry you haven’t seen your daughter in a while. I hope she’s doing okay too. Mostly what’s leading to my self harm is my parents and a girl who almost raped me, I have to see her everyday.
Did you report the incident?
Parents fight and argue, but you should know it’s not your fault. They just have issues with each other. Sometimes being apart is what is best for them, and you, in the long run.
At least you get to see both of them. That’s good.
The girl that did it contacted my mom wanting to talk to me, two days ago. I’m almost scared of her because she did that to me. I’m not supposed to talk to people online I guess and now my mom took my ipod because the girl told my secret. The girl that did it is now advised to stay away from me because I don’t want to be near her. I’ve known her since kindergarten and I don’t want her to touch me in places she’s not supposed to. I don’t think I can ever be her friend again.
You are right. You can’t be friends anymore because you can’t trust her. It’s a terrible thing to have happened to someone so young.
yeah, i’m just glad you understand and don’t judge me for it.
Self harm is a terrible terrible thing, coming from someone who went through it for about 5 years. I’m embarrassed of my scars, you should stop. You’re not going to want to explain them in years. It seems fitting now, but you need healthy coping mechanisms.
I’m trying to stop my self harm because i know that it’s a bad thing. It’s nit that easy for me just to stop though. Do you have any idea’s on other things I could do when i am feeling that way?
A sense of numbness seems common in people who’ve experienced severe depression, and the urge to self-harm. You’d think it would make the pain easier to tolerate, but for me at least, it just confuses things, and numbs any happiness I’m still able to feel.
Going through this alone is horrible – I know all too well. But at least websites like this exist, where we can share our stories and not feel weird about it.
And yes, I have self-harmed many times in the past, though it’s been many years since I last did it.
Hi Heathclifff,
Yeah, I’ve heard that numbness is common. When I self harm it’s not for pleasure and It does hurt, I often do it in the shower so after about a minute each cut only stings. I’m so glad that your over it. I’m trying to stop myself.
And yes, it is horrible. At least we all understand eachother here and are kind to eachother so all of us have a friend.
google things to do instead. I always liked shaving my legs. you can hold ice to your wrists. anything that distracts and occupies your mind, honestly.
Yeah that’s a good idea. Thank you 🙂
I don’t self-harm, but I’m definitely with you on the depression part.
I see what you mean by how they don’t understand you. I guess you can’t TRULY understand what it feels like until you’ve put yourself in the person’s shoes. Experiencing it first-hand.
It would be nice to be friends. I’ve never befriended anyone on here, only been lurking about on this website and seeking some relief by writing.
I hope your situation improves by the way. I know how debilitating depression can be.
Thank you and yeah, it would be cool to be friends and i hope your situation gets better too. I was wondering if you could tell me what lead you to depression?
It would be cool. Thanks.
As for what lead to my depression, there are a multitude of factors, probably. I can pinpoint a few. One being the pressure that I get from school. I have finals starting from tomorrow.
I think my depression stemmed from bereavement as well. My father had passed away recently, and my home situation hasn’t exactly been stable in the last few years. In the past, the treatment that I got from people wasn’t nice either. There are things that I don’t wish to disclose to the public, so I won’t go into further detail. That’s pretty much it.
Led*. Typo.
What about yourself? How long have you been going through this?
Racle,
i’m really sorry and i’ve been going through this for about a year now. It’s been tough but i’m managing.
I’m glad that you’re still managing. Keep it up.
Thank you. I really hope you get better as-well. 🙂
I don’t self-harm anymore, but I understand all too well why it happens. Persistent Feelings of Emptiness can make someone desperate to feel anything at all, let alone pain. Anyway Elli, I really hope the best for you. It really can be a hard thing to quit.
ElectricRain,
I’m happy that you don’t anymore – I’m still working on recovery.
And your exactly correct on why people do it.
Thank you and yeah like i said, I’m working on recovery.