I don’t know how or where to start. Suffered from depression as long as I can remember. Meds help, but only to a point. I thought I had found a semi-happy medium. A 13 months ago my husband of 24+ years came out as transgender. No, I didn’t have any clue. Now, I have been to hell and back with this person. They are an alcoholic, they have been mentally abusive to me, and physically a few times. But we raised a wonderful son, who means the world to me. I have had fibromyalgia for a bit more than 20 years now, and it has been difficult. I was run down by a car 14 years ago, and became permanently disabled. So I became redundant at 52. Our son is in grad school in another state, studying law, and is very happy and looking forward to a good life. That is my legacy. But I am now left with a life in shambles. My spouse wants to remain married, says that she still loves me. She will be having gender reassignment surgery in a bit over a year. So I have accepted her, though I miss my husband. But I have come to the point of believing that she would be happier and better off with someone else. She is basically a 13 year old girl in a 53 year old man’s body. I am a 62 year old woman who is in pain, physically and emotionally, nearly all the time. I have tried to make it work. I bought her clothes, makeup, jewelry. I gave her the name she uses and loves. But I am so empty. I understand about transgenderism. I know that it isn’t about me. The thing is, nothing is about me. She has a psychiatrist, she see him monthly. I tried, saw one for an intake, made an appt for a visit, and she cancelled two hours before. Guess she couldn’t handle this either. My spouse talked to someone she knows and found a support group for people like me. But I am not comfortable with a group setting for something so personal. I feel that I need to let her go, to be a woman she wants to be. All her new circle of friends are single, or with another gender variant. No one is in the same marriage they were in before. I feel so lost and alone. I am sick, old, unable to work, unable to take care of my house. I really cannot see much point in going on. She will stay out of guilt. Though she has had online affairs before, and blamed me for it. I just think it is time for me to bow out. I don’t want pitiful looks from people, how can she be with that old thing, why are they still together? I don’t fear death, though I do fear being revived and being even more of a burden than I am now. What can I do? I have overstayed my welcome here on this planet. I feel like an extra cog, and I hate it. There is much more, of course, but this is the gist of it. Thanks for reading this.
Nope, can’t do it
