My story

Just thought I’d share my story, I’m not gonna be overly dramatic or emotional as I am very logical and rational for the most part, I am going to go off in a million directions and you will almost certainly think me bonkers before the end. I’m not asking for help or empathy, in fact I hope that what I put down on this webpage helps shed some light on others problems and the problems society faces on a whole, sounds a bit haughty I know.
Diving right in, myself, my eldest brother and sister engaged in some somewhat sexual activities at the ages of 5, 4 and 3, we were imitating things we had heard and seen our parents do, we didnt have a clue and nothing occurred which you could call sex. Our parents knew something had happened, they never directly addressed the issue, me, being the oldest got the brunt of the blame for this event and have been treated differently ever since, used like the runt of the litter for chemical gratification, and not just by my parents but by my entire family, I started getting terrible migraines and was not popular at school. I saw ahead of time that the children at school, much like my father got a buzz, a testosterone boost out of intimidating the weak, and since i DESIRED never to treat someone else this way having been heart broken by my own family i trained and learned to use my body effectively for fighting, people gave me “respect” but the kind of respect that one can’t live up to when actively avoiding both facing your past and embracing your future. I was humiliated by several girls at school, me diving in only to be rejected and then have the stories spread about and jokes made. I was afraid to kiss girls and nothing ever felt right, so anxious. My mouth was IT, my PENIS was IT my SPINE was IT, that is identity. Now it is virginity and my regrets.  I had never felt love or lust or BREATHED DEEPLY into my perineum until the age of 28 due to the anxiety caused by my constant running and the denial of my sexuality and the shame associated with my sexuality. I failed at university due to just being too anxious, dreading the com(“cum” latin for “control”)pany of others. I have suffered terrible depressions and desired to end my life many times since the age of around 15 when i first went out into the woods with a noose. I couldn’t go through with it and felt worse for trying, I have done this several times since then feeling that there was no hope of the good job, beautiful girlfriend, eventually kids etc. But more than that I realized that my identity, as defined by my physical appearance, the essence of my spirituality was being controlled, my maturity as a human being, as a sexual creature was being denied me by the construct of societal expectation. The point is EYE was not supposed to discover the oblique muscles of my eyes, to use them to breathe and balance the muscles of my body, I was to be used by my family and friends until a woman down on her luck with a bunch of kids who already owned her own home (her territory) came along to take control of me at my lowest point after having been threatened with homelessness after losing my job and after being threatened with violence and actually been told (indirectly) to kill myself by friends of the family. Depressed? perhaps the muscle in your face called the depressor labii inferioris which shares innervation with the oblique internus is weak and the muscle facial muscle called depressor angular oris which shares innervation with the external oblique muscles is tight. WHY name such a terRIBle stATE such as depression SO (“os” is latin for mouth), if not for yORE benefit.  Breathing is the thing, Religion is all about air re – er pronounced phONEtically= air.

I sit here now thinking I must be mad if i post this but i will anyway in the moment. I sit, incidentally in a bedsit flat, alone without any friends having abandoned my family, I have been through many jobs, working with agencies, I have been told time and time again that I am no longer needed, I am not the RIGHT person, I presume that means that only my right eye works as it should or conversely only the left, opponents in opposition who NOSE.

On Tuesday of this week My motorcycle was stolen, my sole means of transport for commuting to work, on wednesday I am told abruptly that I am no longer needed at the job I am working, a job where at the outset I am covering for someone on holiday who will not return for two weeks, the supervisor who informs me of my dismissal tells me the man on holiday is returning and this is why i am not needed and yet I was told this would be ON going work. Why I was dismissed to my mind is because nerves and chemical processes were in effect in my body and I am a VIRGIN and SINGLE(LEG), I was in position to take the alpha male status again from my intimidated boss. I seemingly make people uncomfortable despite my cordial misanthropy. So I now have no job next week I will be able to pay rent but will have no money for food, Obviously I cant afford a new motorbike and the insurance was third party. I believe this will not stop until I am lame and weak (and easy to control), and once I am lame and weak I may never recover again, THIS is survival. T- collar bone and clavicle , hi- hips and eyes, s- your spine (anagram) PENIS.

I have discovered more than I would like but I still have much to share (SH air). I could easily kill myself now i feel, given an instant and painless solution, the rope is the option most readily available. Rope in Misanthrope, ORE in rope. You see COINcidences are profitable and we are all consumers. I will go into further debt now, and perhaps struggle to eat well, I will have to cycle a fair distance for work so will probably loose weight. I will be more reliant upon my employers, I am effectively loosing my freedom. I will be given the choice, again, of pairing up with some woman at work or losing my job. I will re(air)ly upon this woman and she will have the power in the relationship, she will likely have her own home, she will keep me from having TWO of control. By that I mean that the territory will be hers (her home) and my living there relies upon the relationship going her way. This is going HOME, she will control me with fear and will enjoy all the sick and twisted chemical gratification and the muscular tonus and posture associated with these chemicals and state of being. I meanwhile will be sick and twisted until she is satisfied that I will never escape from her web and am in complete reliance upon her indirect abuse (this is one). As a result, if i cannot adjust , I myself will continue to be sick and twisted quite literally.  Brilliant (RIB ILL) isn’t it?

this is just catharsis for me really, I will kill myself before living on the streets and begging for food. The american word “hobo” most definately relates to the obliques, as in HAITCH two obliques!

I suppose I have to be realistic, I’m not that good looking, I have little in the way of assets, no family or friends to relate to (as far as i’m concerned I NEVER had a relationship with anyone in my family) maybe I should be happy about being some bitches ***** and be the DOG to her GOD. I should let my future colleagues make me weak and ill, by not letting me breathe (the sea air), just give up, smell her and then let the manipulation and resentment commence.

The Bi in bible is for biped, the ble is for mandible, the masseter muscle shares innervation with the tensor fascia latae, the temporalis is shared with gluteus maximus, these are recruited with exhALAtion (ala latin for wings) and the superior oblique muscle of the eye!!!!

The bible says “and thy tongue shall be health” this is true as it binds your jaw together and

Why (EYE) isn’t this common knowledge?

Done for now, I’ll await the men with straightjackets.