Worth reading

ok so I get this website is made to vent to other suicidal people and to get help on easiest ways to kill yourself and just a place you feel like you can go to when you’re feeling suicidal I’ve came here before looking for easiest ways to kill myself and read a lot of other people’s stories and I went through the phase of wanting to end my life. That phase started when I was in the second grade I gave all of my friends my things and told them I wouldn’t be back and went home and tried to stab myself multiple times in the stomach. I don’t know what was going through my head I was only a second grader but ever since that I felt no different through out the years. I’m now 18 and just recently graduated high school I’ve gone through multiple suicide attempts and none of them worked it would make me more depressed that nothing I tried would work i tried almost everything. I spent countless nights screaming into my pillow and crying myself to sleep and asking why I felt the way that I did I spent so much time praying to God to help me be happy all I wanted was to be happy and I felt that was impossible for me. I always had moments where I would try to kill myself and go crazy and not talk to anybody or leave my room for days but then go through that phase after it didn’t work where I was so motivated to be happy and stopped thinking about suicide as an option but as soon as something bad would happen in my life my mindset would go right back to being negative and suicidal thinking I really just can’t be happy no matter how hard I try for some reason I believed I was undeserving of it but one day after trying to kill myself multiple times throughout two days of not speaking to anybody or leaving my room for anything and hyperventilating every night crying myself to sleep to wake up and cry again I realized it wasn’t for me that lifestyle wasn’t the one I was made to be living. I don’t believe anybody is made to be suicidal but you know what I mean. I realized if I wasn’t supposed to be here by now after every single time I’ve tried to kill myself, I wouldn’t. I realized I have to stop keeping to myself when I get sad and have to actually try to fix the problems in my life I realized talking to people does help I realized I’m not alone in this there are so many people in this world who feel the same way and way too many suicidal people As well I learned if I want to be happy I have to work for it and not give up Everytime something doesn’t go my way I realized there’s gonna be so many nights where I cry and so many things that don’t go right in my life but that that’s normal. Literally nobody’s life is 100% perfect and if you think somebody’s is on the outside there’s probably so much more you don’t know that’s going on with them on the inside a good way to feel better about this is to help other people who feel the same its good to make goals for yourself it’s good to think of the future and think of how you’ll do whatever it takes to make sure your life isn’t that way anymore and you’ll make sure whatever family you have in the future doesn’t have to be put through any of that as well. Everybody has a purpose in life wether you want to believe you do or not you have to realize not everything is always that deep especially as a teenager we go through a lot but every teenager does and it’s something you have the ability to grow out of and grow from. You can’t always control how you feel but you most definitely can try. There’s no reason to dwell on everything that’s going terrible for you in life and how sad you are you need tough love sometimes you need to be told to man up because you can’t keep living your life the way you are. You need to learn how to love yourself your death should never be caused by your own hands. Everybody has the ability to better themselves everyday and help others that’s what I’m trying to do right now. There’s a lot of people who aren’t going to read this cause it’s so long and not pro suicide but for the people who do read this I appreciate you. You are the ones who help me and even if I don’t know you at all you killing yourselves would hurt me. I care about everybody and everybody’s happiness it’s the most important thing in life to reach genuine happiness. Having a peace of mind is so important and I want everybody to try everyday to reach that goal it’s not impossible I promise you no matter what you’re going through and how terrible it is happiness is not impossible. It is possible to come out from the darkness and value yourself and your life you need to realize you’re all important. I’ve been at the same point most of you are at and I’m genuinely so sorry to everybody who has to feel that pain because I know how it is I swear I’m so so sorry but please for me, for yourself, for anybody who loves you or anybody who relates to you please try to turn your life around. It’s never too late