Young. Black. College educated. Woman.
There is no hope for me. There is no help for me. I feel an immense sense of inadequacy. I feel like a burden on the world. I feel burdened by the world.
And I want to kill myself? I consider death often, I’m not sure if I fear it or welcome it. Maybe a bit of both. Am I trapped?
There’s deep stigma around mental health issues in the black community. So I have no one to turn to without being chastised about my moral weakness and lack of willpower. Which is why I’m here.
Should I die now? Do I deserve to live?
2 comments
Why would you feel inadequante? I’m sure you’re pretty capable and i’m sure you try hard and do well.
The world might feel like a burden on you, but i doubt you’re a burden on anyone.
Mental health issues are complicated anyway in any case, but there has to be a way for you to get some support or a little guidance about them.
It does NOT mean you’re weak or lack any willpower (actually reaching out for help means you have willpower and that you’re willing to try and get better).
There’s no such thing as ‘deserve to live’, you deserve to live just like anyone else, and you deserve to give yourself a chance to find support and get the help you need.
Hi, I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. I do understand what you are saying about mental illness being stigmatized in the black community. Although it is not everyone, I was raised by a mother with the same mindset. When my depression and anxiety started worsening, she didn’t understand and believed I just needed to “toughen up.” It was only until I took matters into my own hands did I slowly see progress. I was not allowed to take medication until almost two years after being diagnosed with depression/anxiety and to this day I am still looked down upon for taking it. Although my mother has changed a bit after seeing me struggle.
What I am saying is, sometimes you have to forget the opinions of those around you and do what’s best for you. You don’t have to take medication, but seeing a therapist or talking about this with a doctor might give you some clarity on why you’re feeling this way. I’m very happy you decided to take the first step and seek help with us here, because we’re all in the situation of being misunderstood.
The people who might judge you are not living your life, they will think what they want to. You shouldn’t die now because I believe you have a reason to live. First, I think you need to take control of your health and perhaps the rest will fall into place. I wish you all the best. 🙂