and see people delete their posts and accounts,
people fade away or suddenly disappear,
arguments and long, carefully written comments left just to show someone they care.
Something’s been rising in my head again, and reading through this site makes it more alive. It makes suicide seem more possible. That seems dangerous to me now, but it’s also a relief to be somewhere where it’s not something you have to keep hidden. It’s a relief just to see it written about.
Is there anyone else here who’s been away for a while? I’ve been back from time to time but I’ve spent more time here in the past few days than I did in the last couple of years (though it wasn’t time away from feeling suicidal, unfortunately). I’ve only seen one person who I think was here when I joined, but it’s exactly as I remember it.
Good luck everyone, with all your demons.
17 comments
I stayed away for a while too. I come back, leave, come back, leave. I don’t think we joined SP around the same time though, the first time I ever visited SP was in 2012 (Dec) and finally joined as Tristeza a few months after that.
Good luck to you too, Trix.
I joined in summer 2012. I don’t remember the first time I saw you here – I think it was more recent – but I thought I recognised you from a long time ago. 🙂
I remember your username too, maybe because I always read old posts and comments, haha. And now SP has Trix and Tris.
Funny, I never really expected anyone to recognise my name.
Yes I left for awhile but often came and read even though I didn’t comment much anymore. Names are gone and you wonder where they went. But new people show up all the time. The site fills a need but its sad it has to be that way. welcome back.
I think a few of us have just changed names though (although I have used this one for over a year). I know a few old timers who are here under new ones.
It fills a need for a lot of people, although a couple of people I spoke to years ago started trying to avoid it when the misery was sucking them in too much. But it’s a great place to come when you’re desperate. One thing I notice every time I come back is that there’s always a story that some of the site regulars are caught up in. I’ve seen some really desperate posts lately that were almost completely ignored… there’s always a group of regulars who chat a lot and talk outside the site, and some people get left in the dark a bit. Obviously no one can be blamed for that… it’s inevitable, especially when posts disappear down the page so quickly. But when I come back I always wonder about the people who only post once or twice or stay silent. It’s harder without a support network. My life changed when I found people to talk to here.
Yeah, the first time I came back I changed my name. Then I thought, the chances are slim but someone might recognise me if I switch back. Can be nice seeing familiar faces… though it would be nicer if nobody ever had to stay here long.
trix you are so right. One thing that is a problem is in the rules is says…”One post, per person, per day”… cause you are taking away from others. Mostly only the front page gets comments on. And lately there are several people here, who by now should know this rule, who keep posting over and over…sometimes within mins of their last post. So too many are not getting even one comment. And sometimes leaving comments is just emotionally draining. But I do agree with you…people (including me) tend to click on the names they have come to know. I will make more of effort to include the ones with no comments. 🙂
theWhispersOfMySins, That’s so nice of you. 🙂 I think part of it is also that when people post a lot, their posts are often less desperate and more chatty. They’re a lot easier to respond to, especially if you know the person, because you know how to talk to them. You know what sort of person they are and you can give better advice when they need it because you know their situation more fully. It makes the site a nicer place to be in, having lighter posts too. But the one post per day rule is completely overlooked. And those posts are often responding to other posts, which must be confusing to newcomers.
Yes I seriously wish admin would remind people of the rules now and again. It shouldn’t always fall on us users to tell people these things but if we don’t then it doesn’t stop. :/
I joined last year, made a few comments and just left. I came back this year because I just really needed help and was hoping I could help others.
I’m a professional lurker though, I’ve been lurking since around 2009 because I had (and still somewhat have) trouble talking with people in anyway shape or form. Reading everyone’s story does help because it makes me feel less alone. It’s sad people come and go…but I always hope it’s for the better and not for the worst.
I was the same when I joined. Not for as long, but I was desperate to post for months and couldn’t. I had really severe social anxiety at the time.
Your comment reminded me of someone I emailed from this site. He was deeply suicidal and planning on dying as soon as he could. Then he emailed saying something wonderful had happened that turned his life around. He said thanks for emailing and he’d tell me what it was someday… he never did, but I hope he and others have left all this behind because something great happened. I know for most people it’ll be a slower, more painful process, but everyone here deserves a happy ending.
This is the 2nd time ive been back i first came in 2011 and was pretty active until 2012 and just got back in in the past couple months under my new name. I worry about the posts that are desperate with. No comments too. Sometimes I’ll comment other times im scared ill make it worse.
As it is a suicide site I never know if saying welcome back is appropriate lol…but well, welcome back donsmith78.
@donsmith78, I know what you mean, it’s hard to know what to say to them. Welcome back, and sorry to see you again 😉 (you know what I mean :)).
I’ve been coming here since November 2013. I used to be extremely active, commenting on a lot of post throughout the days in hopes of helping someone.
Even maintained contact with a few through emails and whatnot.
But after someone from here I maintained daily contact with successfully killed themselves, I retracted myself. I feel it’s best I don’t get to involved anymore. I couldn’t possibly deal with another blow like that again. Especially with the helplessness one feels when they know they can’t stop somone from following through with their plans.
I sure do miss a lot of old regulars who no longer roam this place anymore.
I’m sorry you had to go through that. Do you still talk with the others you met here?
I’m glad people move on, but I didn’t make many connections here. Having said that there are a couple of people I really miss who I wish I never lost contact with.