I’ve pushed many people away. Maybe I can end it and no one would care. Maybe this is a cry for help, or me ranting. Either way, I hope this pain will stop.
Reality is boring ! Real life is boring ! Real world is boring ! Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress !
Reality is boring, Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress.
Although technology have been progressing rapidly nowadays, yet sadly in many aspects, Humanity/Mankind/Society still have slow progress; Everyday is still the same day & problems over and over again repeatedly.
I believe that in order to make a real progress for Humanity / Mankind, we must quickly focus & do the followings:
1) We must move beyond money & politics. It is outdated. A lot of problems in this world today basically stems from these two root causes (& also superstitions especially in religion, as well as in Ignorance & Stupidity due to failure in Education). For a truly real progress, we must start to focus on much more important things. Try look up/google for Universal Basic Income (UBI), as well as Resource Based Economy (RBE), The Venus Project, & The Zeitgeist Movement, for starter.
2) We must seriously consider that there is a possibility that Humanity / Mankind will go extinct / extinction. Most probably caused by our own Ignorance & Stupidity, as well as Greed. Therefore, we must prepare for the worst possible scenario, and one best solution is to start building a system of selection for the best few candidates of Humanity / Mankind (10% of the planet’s population, for example), whom will continue the future of our Humans Species in the best, smartest, most intelligent, rational, logical, most creative, wisest, & most civilized as possible.
3) Finally, we must unleash our Human’s greatest & most important potential: Imagination. If reality is boring & very limited/limiting, then the only way for us is to start focusing quickly on how to enter the world of Imagination, and turn it into reality ASAP. Some very important technology that must be quickly developed are: Artificial Intelligence (AI), Virtual Reality (VR), Augmented Reality (AR), biological Mutations, entering our Consciousness into the vast Net, as well as Transhumanism. We must turn the wildest, most imaginative movies & video games for example like science fiction (sci-fi) into reality ASAP, for real progress.
Otherwise, we will be stuck in this boring reality everyday, repeating over and over again, & even it could get worse & worse!
I WAS (less than 32hours long) getting to a spot in my mind that the “bill was going to be paid”….not dying…but that my grieving was actually a good thing. I was dancing with my toddler, jamming some tunes & *toons*, some other songs by different artists. & when it was naptime (about 2 nap (for lil one &1 nite…well a MOST the night sleep) i would let the sad out. I went thru some pictures of my oldest…. sadly I don’t have many. but I was building the mindset that *my grieving*….makes me a gud mother.
Cuz WUT kind of mother wouldn’t?
I was setting aside time for myself kinda like the *penance of the catholic* punish myself with guilt, & thoughts of “what if’s” & “I’m stupid, I should’ve tried HARDER”
& when it came time for me FOR my toddler baby…. we’d watch movie or a Netflix.
I’m not Christian now….but as a child (5), I was baptized into a small schoolhouse Catholic church lol 2 room building. But we was jammin to some Kirk Franklin…coloring a teddy bear poster.
Then the PTB (powers that be) must’ve realized “usefulness was being found thru the pain”….. cuz….
….Everything fell apart @ about 9:30last night…..
I have to go….
I’ll be bk to finish….I PROMISE.
No one will hack THIS, I promise. Ppl’s issues are safe…..plz don’t ban me again. I’m sry for WUTEVER I did….but can admin please help me kno wut I did to be banned.
It was the day b4 yesterday, April 5th 2018….closer to 4pm when I tried to sign on: put email & then the CORRECT password 1x…the screen shook, & went to a weird page…..??
Said page had tiny words something about I was *currently blocked*
Then something bout an “admin in error could….”
Thanks in Advance.
Why? Please WHY?
I trying to be responsible, & respectable (i *do* cuss alot tho)….only 2 comments on 2 posts & my own comment on the 3rd.
How do I avoid this situation happening again?
ANY help will do
Thanks in advance.
I wish I live in movies, books, novels, comics, anime, video games. Real world / Real life / Reality is boring & depressing.
Honestly, I just can’t understand nor fathom why Most / Majority of people can go watch movies, read cool, creative, imaginative books / novels / anime / comics, or play super imaginative & fantasy video games, and then later on they just go back to reality, as if nothing happens, and they’re ok with everything.
I hate to say this, but Most people simply just lack Imaginations. Even worse, Most people are boring. All people care in the everyday’s reality & their lives is just the most superficial, mundane, boring, & stupid things. Which is very depressing, especially when you feel like you’re just alone & can’t relate with most people anymore.
And I even can already predict in advance, that people will quickly spout out & say boring things like: “if you find Life / reality boring, then maybe it’s you who are boring, not this awesome, beautiful Life / reality.”
People who said those words are, in my experience, either usually just stupid, naive, ignorant, and/or boring, lacking Imagination & even intelligence / not too smart.
Reality IS boring & depressing. Especially the more you know, learn, & observe it.
Have any of you heard the “Avatar syndrome” ? Google it. It’s basically the post-effects that many people apparently got, after watching the movie “Avatar” (James Cameron). It’s the feeling of depression, because they’re back to reality again, after watching (& experiencing) such magical, cool, awesome, mind-blowing, breath-taking, & beautiful ‘other-worlds’ of Avatar world.
I wish I live in Harry Potter world / universe , I wish Harry Potter was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Final Fantasy world / universe , I wish Final Fantasy was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Star Wars world / universe , I wish Star Wars was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Marvel Cinematic Universe , I wish Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU / MCEU) was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Avengers world / universe , I wish Avengers was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Lord of The Rings world / universe , I wish Lord of The Rings was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Naruto, One Piece world / universe , I wish Naruto , One Piece was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Mass Effect, World of Warcraft world / universe , I wish Mass Effect was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Skyrim world / universe , I wish Skyrim was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in World of Warcraft world / universe , I wish World of Warcraft was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in AOV (Arena of Valor) world / universe , I wish AOV (Arena of Valor) was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Kingdom Hearts world / universe , I wish Kingdom Hearts was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Mobile Legends world / universe , I wish Mobile Legends was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Ready Player One world / universe , I wish Ready Player One was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in The Matrix world / universe , I wish The Matrix was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in magical / magic world / universe , I wish magic was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in dragons world / universe , I wish dragons was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in fairy tales / faeries / fairies world / universe , I wish fairy faeries fairies was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in cyberpunk world / universe , I wish cyberpunk was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in fantasy world / universe / I wish fantasy was real / is real / really exist ,
etc etc etc
Reality is boring & depressing , & very limiting ! Real life is boring & depressing , & very limiting ! Real world is boring & depressing , & very limiting !
Fuck this boring reality ! Fuck this boring real life ! Fuck this boring real world !
I wish Virtual Reality (VR) , Augmented Reality (AR) really real & exist, and will progress much faster in those very important technology. Because I believe that Imagination is Humanity / Mankind ‘s most important potential, to turn into reality !
Otherwise, it’s probably better to just die, commit suicide, than to live / survive in this boring depressing life, world, & reality !
Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !
Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !
Human’s imagination is better than reality !
Movie / Movies is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Game / Games is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Comic / Comics book is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Novel / Novels is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Science fiction ( sci-fi ) is better than boring science facts , reality , real life , real world !
I wish superpower / superpowers really real exist …
I wish superhero / superheroes really real exist …
I wish magic is really real exist …
I wish mythology is really real exist …
I wish science fiction ( sci fi ) is really real exist …
real world is boring ! real-world is boring !
real life is boring ! real-life is boring !
reality is boring !
I HATE REALITY !!
I HATE REAL LIFE !! I HATE REAL-LIFE !!
I HATE REAL WORLD !! I HATE REAL-WORLD !!
Reality sucks , boring , depressing , and very limited / limiting / many limitations !!
People / anyone / anybody who said reality is fun & interesting , real life is fun & interesting , real life is fun & interesting , are usually people lacking imaginations & creativity !
In real life / real world / reality , there is no dragons … !!
In real life / real world / reality , there is no magic … !!
In real life / real world / reality , there is no superpower / superpowers … !!
In real life / real world / reality , there is no dragon / dragons … !!
In real life / real world / reality , there is no spells , wizards , casts like Harry Potter , Lord of The Rings, Game of Thrones … !!
In real life / real world / reality , we can’t fly … !!
In real life / real world / reality , there is no time travel , time machine … !! We can’t go back to the past , or to the future … !!
In real life / real world / reality , there is no alien / aliens , cool gods , advanced extraterrestrial beings , other cool creatures with special powers , etc etc … !!
in real world / in real life / in reality , it’s all only about MONEY / business !!!!!! .. . . .
in real world / in real life / in reality , everything is about MONEY MONEY / business !!!!!! .. . . .
i hate money , I hate business , I hate jobs , I hate working , I hate work !!! …
and in real world / in real life / in reality , most people / Majority of people are stupid , shallow , superficial , fake , ignorant , boring !!
I wish Marvel Cinematic Universe ( MCU ) , Avengers is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Game of Thrones ( GOT ) dragons , Harry Potter , Lord of The Rings ( LOTR ) is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Star Wars , Star Trek is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Skyrim is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Naruto , One Piece , Bleach is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Sword Art Online ( SAO ) is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring!
I wish AOV is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Final Fantasy is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Kingdom Hearts is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish RPG is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish science fiction / sci-fi / scifi / sci fi is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Ghost in The Shell is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish The Matrix is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish cyberpunk is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish aliens is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish magic is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish superpower / superpowers is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish mythology is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish dragons is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish magic spells wizard is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish magic is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
Most people are lacking imagination !
Majority of people are lacking imagination !
Most people are boring !
REAL LIFE IS BORING ! REAL-LIFE IS BORING & DEPRESSING / DEPRESSION !
REAL WORLD IS BORING ! REAL-WORLD IS BORING & DEPRESSING / DEPRESSION !
REALITY IS BORING & DEPRESSING / DEPRESSION !!!!!
better to die than live or living in this real world !!! …
better to die than live or living in this real life !!! …
better to die than live or living in this reality !!! …
FUCK REAL LIFE !!!!
FUCK REAL WORLD !!!
FUCK REALITY !!!
THIS REALITY IS BORING , REALITY SUCKS , & REALITY IS LIMITED / LIMITING / FULL OF MANY LIMITS / LIMITATIONS … !!!!
in this reality … sadly ,. I am just a loser failure in this Society of Humans & Money …
so again … Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !
escape into imaginations … !!
if I can’t ,… then better suicide & die than live / living in this boring real world … !!!
if I can’t ,… then better suicide & die than live / living in this boring real life … !!!
if I can’t ,… then better suicide & die than live / living in this boring reality … !!!
… But I’m scared of failure.
Will I be paralysed?
Fail and I’ll be watched and not able to reattempt.
I have mental health, undiagnosed… But imo it is severe.
I’m almost 26. Literally everybody I’ve met this year thought I was 12.
When I was 15…. Everybody thought I was 10-12.
You get the picture.
I’m paedo bait.
Not everyday you get to legally “bang” a “12” year old.
Lost count of the times middle aged men have tried to prostitute me and continue on to tell me they thought i was 12-14.
Walking home today with my mum and her partner and two men are hanging around.
Man 1 says “keep your eyes to yourself”
Man 2 “thats what they’re for, looking”
Man 2 “she’s just a young girl anyway”
That’s when I knew it was about me.
Shut myself in my room, self harmed. Never ever going to leave the house again.
Men are the biggest cause to my mh as it is.
I have no one to talk to.
My ex would blame me and say I shouldn’t wear skirts/dresses.
I wasn’t. I was wearing jeans and a flannel shirt thats long and covers my arse. You wont catch me wearing anything less.
these past few days have been weird, and i don’t know how to explain it.
i’ve been forgetting to eat, and sleep doesn’t come very easily; when it does come, it brings nightmares and i just keep waking up constantly. really aggressive headaches come and go without explanation. it feels weird.
for about 10 years i’ve had passive suicidal ideations, and active ones as well, but that’s not the point. anyways, they’ve been here for a while. basically, i won’t act up on anything, but i wouldn’t mind if something happened. even though i can’t even remember days where i didn’t feel like this, it seem like no one even suspects it, which honestly surprises me immensely. at first i thought if i made it a bit obvious, maybe people would care, but if i did make it obvious, it’d just burden others. i guess i internalised the second part of that a bit more; i do tend to internalise lots of stuff. i think i just want someone to care. everyone thinks i’m okay, they honestly do; and for the longest time i thought that, if they believe i’m okay, then i can’t be that bad. boy, i was wrong. i remember about two years ago i wanted to tell my mum i wanted to talk to someone because i didn’t think that what i felt was normal, but i never really said anything; something very much like me. i’m rambling quite a lot today; maybe i’m subconsciously trying to reach out, who knows. hopefully tomorrow will be better
Human’s Imagination / Humans’ Imagination / Humans Imagination is better than Reality
Movie / movies is better than reality / real life / real world
Video game / games is better than reality / real world / real life
Novel /novels is better than reality / real-life / real-world /
Sci-fi / Science-fiction is better than reality / reallife / realworld
Fantasy is better than reality / real world / real life
Anime / manga is better than reality / realworld / reallife
Dream / dreams is better than reality / real-world / real-life
I hate reality !!!!
Reality it’s all about MONEY !!!!!!
Reality is BORING !!!!
Real world is boring ! real-world is boring ! realworld is boring !
Real life is boring ! real-life is boring ! reallife is boring !
and people are stupid , ignorant , shallow , superficial !!
I wish I could live in Imagination
I wish I could live in movie / movies
I wish I could live in video game / video games
I wish I could live in novel / novels
I wish I could live in fantasy
I wish I could live in sci-fi /science fiction
I wish I could live in anime / manga
I wish I could live in dream / dreams
I wish I have superpower
I wish I could be a superhero / superheroes
I wish I could have MAGIC
I wish MAGIC exist / exists
because this REALITY is boring !! REALITY is just TOO FUCKING BORING !!
people who can’t see this are usually just stupid , unimaginative, dull / boring themselves , lacking / lack in imagination !
this real world / this real life / this reality is very LIMITED / LIMITING in what I can do / what we can do !!!!
it’s all about MONEY !!!
‘Success’ , everything is measured by MONEY !!! I hate Money !!!
We live in a very LIMITED / LIMITING real world / real life / reality EVERYDAY !!!!
Imagination is better than reality !!
Imagination is much better than reality !!! . . .
maybe I should just commit suicide , than living in this reality / real-world / real-life
I am a loser in this real world / I am a failure in this real-world
I am a loser in this real life / I am a failure in this real-life
I am a loser in this reality / I am a failure in this reality
i wish harry potter was real , i wish fantastic beasts were real , i wish magic was real , i wish magic really exist , i wish wizards were real really exist
i wish harry potter was real really exist , i wish fantastic beasts were real really exist , i wish magic was real really exist , i wish magic really exist , i wish wizards were real really exist
because reality is boring , mundane , and limiting limited
because real world is boring , mundane , and limited limiting
because real life is boring , mundane , & limited limiting !
reality is all about MONEY !
real-life is all about Money !
real-world is all about Money !
Life is boring , mundane ,
movies is better than reality real life real world !
novels is better than reality real-life real-world !
comics is better than real world real life reality !
video games is better than real-world real-life reality !
MMORPG is better than real life real world reality !
manga is better than real-life real-world reality !
anime is better than reality reallife realworld !
Why human’s IMAGINATION is better than reality ??? …
here in our everyday ‘s reality , Life is all about MONEY !
and people are stupid , shallow , superficial , people are lacking imaginations , people are boring , dull , mundane !
(PS : i wish lucid dream is real lucid dreaming is real , astral projection is real astral travel is real , Virtual Reality like Sword Art Online is real , i wish dreams were real … because i hate reality , i hate real life , i hate real world ! it’s so boring , only for people who lack imagination & stupid )
does anyone agree ?
can anybody relate ?
I hate reality ! reality is boring ! Doctor Strange , Marvel MCU , Avengers , Sword Art Online , Virtual Reality , games , movies , novels , anime manga , comics is better than reality !
I hate reality ! reality is boring !
Doctor Strange is better than reality !
Marvel MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) is better than reality !
Avengers is better than real world !
Sword Art Online is better than real life !
Virtual Reality is better than boring reality !
video games is better than reality real life real world !
movies is better than real-world real-life reality !
novels is better than real-life real-world reality !
anime manga is better than boring real life real world reality !
comics is better than boring real world real life reality !
Why Human’s Imagination is much better than reality ??
movies , games , MMORPG , novels , anime / manga , comics is better than reality real life real world ??
if God exist , then God is boring god !!! to create such a boring reality / boring real-life / boring real-world !!
In reality , it’s all only about MONEY MONEY MONEY !!!
or people / Humans are stupid , shallow , superficial , ignorant , that MOST / Majority of people only care about shallow & superficial mundane things like celebrities gossip , talking about other people , status / image / fame / popularity / how to be popular / famous , how to get girlfriend / boyfriend , have kids , talk about job career business profits Money blah blah blah !!
I’ve found that people who said that “No, reality is not boring , YOU are boring ! ” are usually people who lack imaginations & intelligence ( *real* intelligence) to be able to comprehend how *truly* boring REALITY is !
I wish that Virtual Reality (VR, eg: Oculus Rift) develop quickly ,
I wish Astral Projection , Astral Travel , Out of Body Experiences (OBE) , Lucid Dream / Lucid Dreaming is real ,
I wish Science develop quickly & much faster , I wish teleport / teleportation , time machine / time travel is real ,
I wish Artificial Reality is real ,
I wish AI (Artificial Intelligence) is real like in science fiction (sci-fi) movies novels comics games anime manga,
I wish parallel universe , multiverse , another dimension , another universe is real ,
I wish science fiction sci-fi is real ,
I wish Transhumanism / Transhumanist is real ,
… so I can leave this boring everyday reality / everyday boring real life / everyday boring real world !!!!
… if all those things are not real (aren’t soon becoming real) ,.. then I think it’s much better to commit suicide / die than live in this boring reality , LIMITED / LIMITING reality , mundane reality , dull reality , stupid reality , ridiculous reality , absurd reality , harsh reality , cruel reality , cold reality !!!
can anyone / anybody relate ?
You know, I don’t believe in God or heaven or hell. Maybe in that one sentence, if they existed, I condemned myself. The rational part of me thinks we just cease to exist. Sure, people remember us but there is no part of our consciousness or spirit that lingers, I think.
At the same time, I wish I could see what happens right after I die. I wish I could hear what people said, their true feelings, if they had any regrets. For the last thing, at least, I think they should have done something before they had time to regret. Life is too short for regrets. We never know what’s going to happen tomorrow.
It’s weird, but I wish I could be at my funeral. I wish I could hear the stories or memories that people share, in case I have forgotten them. Or, if I remembered them, how did that time feel to them. I want to soak up everyone’s sorrows and memories and take them with me, if I was there.
If I could attend my funeral, I wonder if I would see my dead body and call it fat. I’d wonder who put makeup on me, when I never slept with it on. I’d wonder if my family would actually feel like they’ll never get over it. Id wish I could tell them it’s okay, that things will get better, that life will go on. I’d tell everyone who would be blaming themselves that it’s not their fault. I’d tell them I’m still listening. I’d say that I loved them until the very end. I’d laugh with my coworkers and apologize about the work I’ve left them.
If I could attend my funeral, I’d tell them that there was no need to come. That a funeral is for show, and in reality I was put to rest before I was placed in a casket.
If I could attend my funeral, I’d probably want to un-kill myself. I’d probably be sorry for what I did and for all the pain I was seeing. I’d want to take it back. But it would be too late for that.
I just finished my college classes and I’m in vacation now.
I called up my old friends but none of them wanted to hangout.. So I’m not going to insist.
I just wanted to have some sort of fun before I start classes again this summer. Which is in like 13 days.
It just sucks that I have no friends to hangout with or share my interest with.
And I constantly ask myself, is there something wrong with me? Because it seems like I just can’t keep friends or make them.
Anyways people aren’t What they used to be.
I remember having so many friends that actually cared about me but now- there’s absolutely no one left. Or anyone interested in being my friend.
Usually this doesn’t get to me but since I’m not keeping busy with school I guess it just kinda feels lonely.
Overall, not to brag or anything but I’ve always been a down to earth person. And I always got along with just anybody but where the down to earth people at? Kuz it seems like I just don’t fit in with the uptight people I’m always around in college.
So what if I drink alcohol to have fun or smoke a little weed here and there. Everyone looks at me like a creep.
so what if I like flashing people when I’m buzzed lol or like singing out loud or skinny dip in the dark in the ocean.
i just like to have fun and let loose and be care free once Ina while and enjoy what life has to offer.
I just have no one to share that with.
And honestly a lot of people care too much about what other ppl think. And don’t let loose.
Does this happen to some of you?
it seems like everyone is too cool for me
I just wish I could meet people that don’t give a dam about trying to be cool or worry about there status quo.
I guess it’s maybe because I don’t go out there anymore.
Don’t waste your time reading this post, unless you have the time and/or actually want to waste it. I’m writing this because sometimes I just need to let it all out. So the first thing I wanted to go on about is people. This is all in accordance to me and my bitching about everything and my opinions and feelings from personal or non-personal experiences. So, I shall shut up and begin now. Sometimes, I fucking hate people. Sometimes they suck. Not always, I’ve known some that have had a few not too sucky moments, but for the most part.. For me, people always leave me. Everyone leaves and sometimes I know why sometimes I don’t. But 9 out of 10 if I care about them (and god only knows how much I care about everything) and/or we had a good relationship going, it hurts when they leave. I can name so many people off the top of my head that have left, boyfriends, friends, people I used to know. Sometimes I leave but only for good reasons, I will never be someone to just stop talking to someone all together without at least talking to them, but everyone leaves me. And if any of those people ever read this. I’m sorry for whatever I did, I’m sorry you don’t need me in your life anymore. I just need to settle that because I hold onto things until I don’t feel I need to and it makes me mental sometimes. The second thing I wanted to address is something very important to me, and that is my suicide. I have this preconceived notion, if that’s the right word, that my suicide is going to go perfectly and just as planned and I will be glad I’m doing it and I’ll die where and how I want without too big a mess and all this stuff, but I have this huge fear of regretting it at the last minute or forgetting to add something in my note or something failing or not going right, and that scares the shit out of me because my death is the one big thing I get to chose in this world and this life, it’s the one thing I can make perfect for me, and call that selfish, but my suicide is partly for me to be happy finally and for me to end this how I want to end this. Obviously I don’t know what’s after death, but I’m hopeful and faithful and believe that whatever the case I will be happy, and I believe this for everyone that is in enough pain to end their lives short, that they will be happy, even those who don’t kill themselves, because I am just that kind of person. I’m not one to pray but I pray that it goes as planned. Next thing, when I’m not breaking down or my anxiety isn’t at an epitome or my depression isn’t dragging me down I get the most extreme bouts of nostalgia like you would not believe. Sometimes I miss a memory or moment or time period so much that I will cry over it. Because under all of the pain I am feeling now and the anger and frustration and hatred and bullshit I love everything. I like what I like but I love everything. And I cherish certain things so much, one of my worst fears is growing old and getting Alzheimer’s, because I know that these memories that I look back on so often are something that have been keeping me alive. But I know that they can’t keep me alive forever. I just think back to when I was little girl and didn’t have severe depression or anxiety or suicidal thoughts and was just carefree and naive and happy, or last year, when I was with my friends, and was pretty happy sometimes and actually had people that I believe loved and cared about me, and I miss it so much and crave it and want it back because those were things that made me happy, and I want that back. I have so many stories I would love to tell on YouTube, I always wanted to make a channel and just tell all of my stories and rant about everything and let it all out there but I could never do that due to various reasons. But that’s all for now, I figure I’ll do more of these when I need to let it all out next, but if you read this, you’re great, thanks,until next time, you’re lovely and stay alive so you can stay that way. Love from Hailee.
Reality is boring , real life is boring , real world is boring , not like movies, comics, novels, anime manga, video games !
Reality is boring
real-life is boring
real-world is boring
not like movies, comics, novels, anime manga, video games !
I hate Humans , Humans suck
I hate Human , Human suck
I hate Humanity, Humanity suck
I hate people , people suck
Most humans / people only think about Money ,
and this reality is boring !
reallife is boring !
realworld is boring !
people / humans are so shallow, superficial, stupid, ignorant
Humanity is hopeless
if there is God , then God is boring !
even Science is boring too !
Science fiction (Sci-fi) is much more interesting than real Science facts !
why we can’t live in movie / movies , video game / video games , comics / comic books , anime , manga ??
I wish superheroes exist
I wish superpower exist
Human’s Imaginations is much more interesting than reality / real-life / real-world !!
I want to live in X-Men , Avengers , Marvel’s superhero / superheroes comics / comic books , Batman v Superman , Sword Art Online , Naruto , Bleach , One Piece , Warcraft , DOTA , Star Wars , Game of Thrones , Harry Potter , Lord of the Rings , etc etc !
Human Imaginations is more interesting than real life / real world / reality !!
I wish Virtual Reality (VR) , Transhumanity / Transhuman project , Mutants / Mutations , Space Travel , Time Travel / Time Machine , Teleport / Teleportation technology , Telepathy , Lucid Dream / Lucid Dreaming , Astral Projection , Aliens are real !
bye bye boring reallife
bye bye boring realworld
bye bye boring reality
Suicide is better than boring Reality !
Why can’t my life be as beautiful as the ones I ruined once we’re? I walk alone and there is nothing I can do about it. Yes, I’ve tried and there are no options. I’m still as indecisive and fed up as I was 4 days ago. 4 days ago, I don’t even know what I miss out on. If I had what I want, “BANG!!!” is the last thing I would hear. But one thing I can’t figure out is why I have to bear the very pain and agony I have suffered. Why I have to watch everyone be happy as possible and I’m still sinking. Why I can’t just escape this hell I created. Why everyone and everything I loved had to go. Why? Why? WHY ME?! I have no idea. My sentence began before I even committed the crime. If anyone reads this, just know I would give my life that one day I seem to always mention in these posts. I can’t stop thinking about it. About her.
In my dreams, every night, I am back at school (it’s been nearly 10 years.) There, all my defences crumble, and I am confronted with my deepest fears. My peers can finally treat me with the contempt I deserve. No need to hide how pathetic, repulsive, or worthless I am. None of the kindness or tact that you find in real life. Everyone is completely callous, if not actively malevolent. I am an other, an outsider, to be sneered at, laughed at, and rejected. Everyone is against me, and I am powerless to escape or change the situation. Even the teachers despise me – I am constantly having arguments with them. I am utterly alone, in a world that sees me as vermin. And then I wake up, drenched in sweat. A great way to start each day.
Over the course of the morning, my mental defences gradually reassert themselves. I remember that people can be compassionate and caring as well as hostile and cruel. I recall that I have some power over what I do with my life, and where I spend my time. That there are things in this world that I love, and not everything is an opportunity to expose and humiliate myself. And that none of it really matters anyway, since this world and everyone in it will soon be gone.
The feeling of dread gets pushed back under the surface. But I think it probably plays a large role in why I find it so hard to get to sleep to begin with. A subconscious part of me knows what’s coming, and desperately clings to the waking world. It doesn’t want to return to a place where I’m so utterly powerless, alone, and surrounded by hatred. Without wanting to sound dramatic, I think being trapped there indefinitely would be a certain kind of hell.
Anyway, here’s a song with a vaguely topical title. I’m off to get some breakfast. Enjoy.
I wanna start by sayin when I post here I dont want to sound like some winny 23 year old we all know theres no where else to vent to , even right now my heart is broken with dispair nd I want to die I need the courage to do myself in
With that being said maybe if I could jus reach a new friend here maybe something will change so SP …
What is everyone doing right now what do yu do from day to day lets just try And connect more
Morning sp, just a thought regarding something I saw on tv recently. There was a football game on that was going to be dedicated to an ex player who took his own life. They had one of his kids friends there, and she said, “it was important to show support for her friend whos father had died from depression, and we should look after each other before things get bad for them”.
She mustn’t have been any older than 10, and already showing a wisdom beyond her years. I was so impressed with everything she said, now if the rest of the world can catch up, we might have a chance. Hope u all have a good day, night, whatever.
Take care everyone.
It’s just too much and I just feel sorry for myself and I want it all to end. I want to see the sun shine again. It’s been so long since I sincerely smiled. It’s been way too damn long since I felt things I could understand, since I was genuinely happy. I don’t want to be who I am. I want these thoughts to stop. They’re just too loud. I miss the times when I was actually confident and didn’t hate myself so much, the times I wasn’t so body conscious, the times I didn’t criticize every single thing I do, the times I wasn’t such a fucking idiot. I want to go way back in time before the scars and ugly cuts. I want to rewind everything, before the anxiety I wish I felt as empty and emotionless as I do now…then maybe I wouldn’t have the anxiety. The thoughts started again and I want to mute them but I’m so damn weak and they’re too damn loud, I might just try to end it again. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m just disappointing everyone…probably piss everyone off too…
I’m screaming for help, I’m making it so obvious that I’m not OK and they said that they would understand me but they’re such liars…” It’s just a phase”, ”stop being so angsty”. ”You need to stop being so depressing”. I don’t know when I’m gonna end it but I can’t see anything past this year. You won’t have to deal with my crap anymore. You can spend more time and money on someone who actually deserves it. I’ve just wanted this for so long…but I’m probably just feeling sorry for myself…