Some of my friends been calling me selfish for not being open and how I didn’t even share about what’s been bothering me. What they don’t realize is, it started with sadness but after a while I can’t even explain what’s wrong with me. Even if I do tell them everything, I already know what’s their comeback is. Some of them will be telling stories about how they struggled more before and come out alright. Some of them giving their successful friend as an example. I mean, really? I seek for any listening ears to my problems, my woes, my concerned, my sadness, my suicidal thoughts, and all they did was comparing my problems with their friends and themselves? After I left, some of them felt sorry for not being there. Others just think of it as my fault for not reaching on to them. I think they just don’t want to feel guilty for what happened to me.
And I’m the selfish one, apparently.
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The word “selfish” shouldn’t come into that situation. I can understand why they’d be upset though. It probably does have a lot to do with them feeling guilty. They might feel guilty now for not seeing that you’ve been going through this. Feeling guilty for your death would be much worse. People often react to guilt with anger, especially when they feel that it’s unfair on them. But all it shows is that they care about you and feel responsible – the problem is that they shouldn’t feel responsible when they didn’t know what was happening. They’re not being any more selfish than you are. It isn’t a crime to think about or act on your own feelings, although they shouldn’t have used that word.
Some people prefer someone to listen and sympathise, and some prefer blunt advice. Your friends’ response sounds somewhere in between. If you need them to shut up and just listen, then tell them that. People can’t always be expected to react the way you want them to – they just say what they think could help. You’re under no obligation to tell them anything, but it might help to try to describe what’s been going on. Lately I’ve found it really hard to talk when I feel really ill, but if I manage to tell someone about it once, I usually feel like there’s a weight off me. Becoming withdrawn from your friends could be a bigger problem, long-term, than trying to tell them what’s going on.
Thank you, Trix. Honestly you make me sees things differently with these explanations. I’m still struggling to find that one friend who are willing to listen without being judge or simply scared to really open up about how I’m feeling. This suicidal thoughts that’s been lingering around my head is new and I’m still finding ways to fight it by taking my mind off things and try to find new hobby and job. Thank you again for responding.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing the suicidal thoughts for the first time. I can imagine it being a lot worse in many ways when they’re new to you.
I hope you find someone you can really open up to soon. 🙂 It can be a relief to have someone to talk to. Good luck with the hobby and job-searching.
how dare them call you selfish. This has nothing to do with selfishness, if anything THEY are being the selfish ones for wanting to know why your down against your wishes. See? That is how most of humanity operates. They love hearing other people’s problems so they will feel better about themselves. Of course to the untrained eye it seems like they really care. I’m suprized you have friends. When my life went to shit, all my “friends” left me and treated me very poorly.
Ever heard of natural selection and social Darwinism? Yeah that is how our sick society works, humanity is sick but unaware
Also note that people generally like to give advice (not talking about people on here because we are a diff breed of humans) to others to make themselves feel better….as if they are in control and on top of the hierarchy food chain. They can brag to themselves on how “wise” they are. Does that make since?
Yes..I met jerks like that. Many!
Sorry you had to deal with that crap too. Makes mental illness a lot worse because they all leave you when you need them the most
There have been any number of articles written about suicide awareness in the past month that you could print out and give to these people. Look for one with a catchy title like HOW TO NOT BE AN ASSHOLE TO A DEPRESSED PERSON.
I don’t believe that’s selfish just because you don’t want to tell them your issues. I tried to tell my friends once, too, and they tried to out-sad me. I wasn’t looking for a competition of who’s had it worse, I was looking for help or just an ear that would listen to me.
But most people are selfish and all about themselves. I realized they weren’t good friends, but they just wanted someone close as a comparison or a basis for their one-uping. I stopped coming around and they called me a selfish, bad friend because I wouldn’t listen to them anymore or go places with them. I don’t think any of that is selfish.
Maybe your friends are actually good and care about you, though. They probably just don’t know how to react or help you with your issues. If they don’t really understand depression, they won’t truly know how to help. They’re just trying to help you realize it will get better, maybe? Just trying to see the positive side of their comments. Whatever their intentions are, they shouldn’t be calling you things.
I completely understand how you feel your not the only one