I’m so sad and defeated. I don’t know how to fix it anymore. I found this site the day twix was posting. I was sad she had to go, and touched by how kind everyone was here. So I lurked for a little over a week. Here I am now. I hope to get to know everyone better and hope I can help someone here because I don’t feel as if I make a difference anymore in my day to day life. I feel so raw and full of hate and sadness. I mostly hate myself for the way I have become. But, I’m rambling and getting no where.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
17 comments
Welcome. I wish you’ll find comfort here.
Welcome, wintergirl. My goodness, that was no ramble at all, so no worries! I can deeply relate to much of what you said.
Welcome… Wintergirl.. I too started lurking on the day when twix was posting, it really affected me and I stayed up with her till then end. I also was taken aback by the kindness of the people here. It is amazing how, a bunch of suicidal people will plead to save another one. I finally decided to sign up a few days ago. I am happy that I did. These fine people have welcomed me, and I in turn welcome you. I am always here if you need a friend.
Welcome to SP wintergirl. This is a good place to vent and to connect with people that are understanding. Jump right in. We all miss Trix
You know, I keep checking the news online to see if she was found dead. I haven’t found any yet, but it’s not like we know her name or much really. It haunts me. I just wish she could have tried a little longer. But everyone has there breaking point. I thank you all for your kindness.
Thanks for reminding me of this, i was checking daily on mexico news to see if something came up and forgot to do so today, checked now and… nope, nothing.
Let us know if you find anything.
Honestly, I’d be surprised if it made the news.
We live in a world where tragic deaths happen all the time, as sad as that is.
There just isn’t enough space in the news to print all of them. 🙁
It would be a relief if she was still here, but somehow I just don’t think so.
Sure. Tbh i just haven’t mentioned anything because there’s been nothing to say, but if i see something i’ll post it.
I don’t think they’d skip that over btw. Been checking a few mexico news pages and they’ve reported a few suicides, plus lesser news, so a tourist using a highly illicit drug to commit suicide… yeah, pretty sure they’d report it. There’s also the fact that mexico has been on the news several times due to exit’s encouragement for people to go there to get n, so that wouldn’t fly under the radar so easily (imho). My guess is that if nothing shows up this week tho, we’ll never know.
There’s a possibility that they wouldn’t know what drug she used.
I mean, if she took the trouble to transfer it from the original container into a different one, like a juice bottle or something. That would actually make sense, if she was worried about getting caught with it.
They might not realize the magnitude of what happened, and might not think of reporting it as a “big news” story.
Would Mexico take the trouble to do autopsies and tests to determine cause of death of a stranger in a hotel room? (Or wherever she was)…?
They’d report it either way, as an unidentified person. Just in the last few days i’ve seen some deaths (including suicides) reported, and one of those was an unidentified body, but with a different method. I’m inclined to think they do run tests, specially on unknown bodies, but i might be wrong there. From what i’ve read n is detectable for something like a week depending on the dose, she had 3 bottles which is like 1.5-2x times the lethal dose (considering she was a petite woman, judging from the pics), so… yup, still detectable if they ran tests.
I’m heavily inclined to think there was some loose end too. I mean, she mentioned having this close friend, which i’m guessing would eventually look for her. She was sort of drunk too, so who knows?. Again, might be wrong in all of that, but i’m pretty sure an unknown dead body at a rental place wouldn’t go off the radar so easily. Unless she bought the place, which would mean = we’ll really never know, lol.
Conclusion? it’s all pure speculation. We might or might not know it but… yeah, i’m checking until next friday. After that? i’ll just assume we’ll never know, because the amount of info we have on her being gone is the same we have on her being alive which is… none.
Three bottles, plus I remember her saying she was having alcohol with it too.
(Remember the “wine flu” post).
So definitely past the lethal dosage.
I remember her mentioning a “very light last meal” which I think was tortilla soup, something like that.
And a churro, which took extra long to arrive.
She joked about the churro.
Hard to believe it was only a week ago.
I’m glad I’m not the only one looking. I have a poem forming in my head for Twix. I haven’t written anything in years. She impacted me that much, such a beautiful soul.
I can’t forget.. she is the reason I posted here and found these amazing people..
Sportsnut, I honesty could say the same. Her first post was the first post I read here. I too, was with her at the end, listening to Swan Lake. I hope it wasn’t her ending. I’d like to believe that.
it’s hard not knowing… they were the first I read too..I stayed up with her but the music is too sad for me..I felt so close to her I told my ex a friend of mine is dying tonight
I felt the same way.
That a “friend” had passed.
Only knew her for two days, didn’t even know her real name or what her face looked like, and yet the unfolding of events hit me hard enough that I thought “I just lost a friend.”
I will never be able to hear that music again without thinking of what happened.
Welcome 😉
i miss you Twix, it was like losing a friend, a really good friend…