Idk why i titled this post after a fairly odd parents character. My sister mentioned him earlier so there you have it. I’ve been in worse places than now. That said ive overeaten like a pig today, i was treated like a cop when i asked someone for weed, someone from my past contacted me out the blue but things are still fairly cold. The whole convo was less than 20 words between the both of us. The weed thing sucks. Ive been completely sober for 5 months since i moved here and im tired of it lol. I like being able to be in a positive mindset. Weed helps me get there easily. Â Im also sooo extremely lonely. I’ve been lonely my whole life and I’m tired of it. My chest is beating pretty hard atm and genuinely I wish I was having a fatal heart attack. Id love to finally have my life over. Im hopeless, helpless, and hapless. I’m going to shower than sleep. Thanks for listening to (reading) my rant.
Edit (more ranting) It’s the loneliness that hurts most. Nothing hurts like permanently being unable to have a social life just because. I wish I was dead. I can’t help but to think of all the times i should have killed myself to this point. What an idiot for thinking life would ever be tolerable. Id kill to be killed…
5 comments
I read every word. 🙂
Have a virtual hug from another person who is also hopeless, helpless, and hapless.
Try not to breathe, though; I have a nasty rotten cold and I’d hate for you to catch it.
Yeah I can understand where you are coming from. Some years ago. I used to have anxiety and depression issues to the point where my heart would beat so hard that it physically HURT and it felt like I was going to have a heart attack. When that happened I tried to end myself to make it stop. Luckily I got around to seeing a doctor for depression and he put me on meds and now the anxiety and heavy heart beating is way low > almost gone. So well my advice is that if you can see a doctor then give it a try. I dont believe that pills are always the answer to all of our problems > but sometimes Medications can help.
As far as the weed thing goes. I haven’t done the weed thing in about a year. But lately I was thinking of trying some to ease my mind and give me some relief. Pot can be helpful for some people. Take care buddy.
I read the entire thing as well. I don’t have a lot to offer aside from an offer to listen. Rants are good.
You are all incredibly sweet. @Phantom not a huge fan of medications i like weed better. @Cordless i hope you cant get sick from people online i wish i could just not breathe altogether. I hope you feel better. @Hazy I appreciate you listening.
I just wish I had something more to offer.. Just a listening ear here for ya, friend.