I’m skipping college today, but I can’t bring myself to care. Everything is too much today, and I’m just starting to give up with it all. There were no appointments with my doctor again today. So today is obviously going to be fun. Death sounds so inviting, and I’m not sure how much longer I can avoid the inevitable.
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Im getting more and more like that saying “fuck it I dont give a shit” about things.
Unfortunately its a really bad mindset however for me at least it has alleviated some stress from thinking and worrying about stuff, but still not a good mindspace
I was in that mindset for a few weeks a while back. It was fine at first, but I got so self destructive and reckless. I lost all my friends, family started to hate me. My grades dropped. My attendance at school became awful. I was horrible to everyone. My mental health and weight deteriorated, and I was threatened with hospitalisation multiple times from my lack of eating and depression.
I got out of that mindset about 3-4 weeks later and realised everything I had done – it was kind of like just snapping out of something. Reality set in, but feeling didn’t. So I couldn’t feel any guilt for what I did.
I can feel myself starting to slip back into it again, and, for some reason unknown to myself, I’m looking forward to it.
Exactly its very unhealthy. Like losing all caring for everything, Its no good.
Right now im just doing it a little bit sayong fuck it to the less important things but yes it can become a much bigger problem