So, I’ve sort of started taking steps to appear more like the physical sex that I currently am not…. I kind of shaved most of my body a bit ago, and I shaved a bit again today…. It bothers me though that I can’t get all the little rooty bits of facial hair out threw shaving though, maybe I will have to go with waxing, but that’s expensive I guess I’ll try plucking first…… meh I don’t know why, but I kind of really just wish I could be female right now, It’s so confusing. As I also don’t want to be female either, yet I do…… I have no idea what I want. I also haven’t been around here much lately…. which is kind of meh, basically I did go to a doctor a very long time ago, they put me on zoloft, and now I am seeing a counselor weekly. He’s pre nice, I’m still terrified to tell him very much, yet am slowing building up to telling him more. So far he’s one of the only people who noticed that I shaved and he did ask about it, I answered with the made up story that I messed up my facial hair while trimming it and wasn’t going to do it again…. He’s going to ask about it now, grrrr I have no idea. Oh well that’s not at all a scary thought I don’t think. Also my birthday is coming up next week 🙁 this is the one that I decided so very long ago to kill myself on, however I don’t think I will do that. I worry about how I will handle that day though, it never feels good breaking promises, and I can’t lie I do sort of want to make good on that promise, yet I know it’s not a great idea and I sort of want to try living…… Life is sort of fairly good right now, yet I know it will not last. I sort of hate that. The better things get the worse they can become, as you miss the times that were good, and that just makes more things to miss -_- Meh, still being bitchy I am. but oh well…. I will try to stick around here a bit more, I like being here. Hopefully I have a bit more time this week, is hard to be here when people are always around :/
So how’s everybody doing?
13 comments
Lifes a ***** other then that I’m fine. I like cookies…. *eats taco*
cookies are fairly good ^_^ I enjoy oatmeal cookies with raisins best, they feel so good to eat.
I make m&m cookies IRL :3
those sound pre good ^_^ I don’t do a lot of baking, I tend to stick to cooking.
Lol its rare when I bake
I prefer to roam the open range when I step foot in the kitchen XD the depths of the oven are mostly unexplored for me.
Lol XD
Be honest with yourself. Be honest with your counselor. If you’re doing gender exploration, that’s what you’re doing. You don’t need to decide on a gender right this very second. If your counselor asks, it might be something to discuss. There may be other questions that are asked so there is a full picture to work with.
Happy (early) Birthday! I’m glad that you made that decision. This is a supportive place. Visit as you have time.
I’m doing okay. It was very cold last night and, for a few reasons, cold weather isn’t a friend right now. But I won’t complain because it could always be colder.
yeah I will try, it’s hard to be honest after getting so very used to lying. Still can’t do a lot of exploration as I do have to hide it from the people I currently depend upon. And thanks 😀
That’s good that you are doing okay, and I’m hoping that you are warmer fairly soon. ^_^
Hey there! I’m so happy you’ve changed your mind about your earlier planes for your b-day!
I highly recommend that you so some research and some experimenting regarding gender identity. You know there’s more than only male/ female in the spectrum, and you deserve to find something to feel identified with. I hope you can talk to your counsellor. If you still feel insecure about it, try to talk to someone only first. There a lots of people who went/ are going through the same as you, or similar, and you’ll find some great forums and pages full of amazing people willing to help. Internet’s anonymity is great sometimes.
And if you feel like it, I’m more than willing to hear you!
I had a bad night, but I’m feeling a little better now. Thanks for asking!
Kudos!
yeah I know there are seemingly endless options, I am not certain how I feel at all…. All I know is that right now I want to be more feminine. :/
and a little better is good ^_^ yay
I like that you are exploring your gender. I’m sorry the people you live with won’t let you have some amount of gender fluidity. Be honest with your counselor when you are ready. No shame in being completely confused what gender you identify with.
I’m doing well. Didn’t buy a gun. Banner day.
Like they let me have my long flowing hair, but I’m certain they wouldn’t be okay knowing that I recently shaved my legs, and probably wouldn’t really let me do some other things that are viewed as feminine, such experimenting with make-up and maybe some clothes. dresses and skirts seem nice and comfortable, and they also seem so happy and flowy ^_^
and not buying a gun is good 😀 if you don’t mind me asking…. What is Banner day? is it a day where you buy a banner, or is it some type of holiday or something? O.o
well I will probably pass out soon, am fairly tired, been up all day. It was a pre good day though…. People seemed to accept the shaving fairly well…. Even with the few off-hand comments about how I should shave my head next (that’s not happening -_- ) ^_^ Overall I’m pre okay with what today turned into, got to spend some quality time with a person too 😀 ate some noms that were pre good.