What I did while in a dark ugly pit for four days:
— After not eating for a whole day, parked in the cemetery and listened to THIS until the sun went down. It’s my number one dark-pit-of-depression song because the warped ugliness is so obvious, and the video is bizarre.
— Took what I hoped was a lethal dose of Tramadol. Didn’t receive a lot of SP notice and ended up deleting the post, figuring I might as well go on my own. Also deleted the previous post about leaving a suicide note. No comments on that one anyway. Considered driving with a brain full of Tramadol and speeding into a tree at 75mph.
With my luck, seeing double (or triple or quad), I would have sped into the wrong tree and ended up in the middle of somebody’s field.
I could just imagine it:
Me: Crap.
Approaching Farmer: What seems to be the problem, little lady?
Me: I seem to be sinking into your field.
Farmer: That seems mighty unfortunate, seen’s how I just finished fertilizing it this afternoon.
Me: Crap.
Farmer: And other things, yep.
Me: Can I borrow your shotgun?
— Went home.
— Slept.
— Slept.
— Slept.
— Woke up.
— Cried.
I have about 80 Tramadol left.
I like the fact that Tramadol rhymes with “Damn It All”.
I am still not okay.
.
48 comments
Have not read this yet just wanted to say I missed you. Now I’ll read it.
Thank you for missing me.
Ffs I did NOT see any posts. Christ I’m so sorry. I’m so glad you are still alive.
For dramatic effect at least leave the damn post up for 24 hours….some of us take a lot if benedrl and pass out for ten or so hours. Or just let me directly plus the USB cord from the back of my neck into your netrotk. Mkay?
Hey Cordless
So sorry you’re hurting so bad. What do you need?
@mus: I need an omniscient omnipotent deity to zap me with a ray that miraculously heals all the multitudes of health issues I keep getting diagnosed with. As long as he’s there, it would be great if he could hook me up with a soulmate, and a better WiFi connection.
I would mention bacon and chocolate also, but I don’t want to appear greedy.
You mean like the sun?
Okay, I have a vision of you following your wireless signal south, where you will meet a small dark stranger.
I’m working on the bacon and chocolate although people don’t usually ask for those on the same pie.
Hopefully something more powerful than the sun, and something which preferably doesn’t cause skin cancer. That’s the last thing I need.
What will I meet if I follow the wireless signal north instead of south?
Apparently there is such a thing as chocolate-covered bacon, though I’m not entirely sure that would be my thing.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/patrick-and-gina-neely/ginas-chocolate-covered-bacon-recipe.html
Yeah I would love to see some Deity Zap you and remove all your health issues and would like to see you live long and prosper from there.
Yes, health issues are really rough to deal with.
I also hope that you find the perfect mate> get your Wi-fi connection and also get a shit load of bacon and chocolate
You deserve all of this. I hope you get it all.
You go north, you meet tall pale stranger.
Chocolate-covered bacon. I imagine this was what it was like in the Roman Empire right before it imploded.
On the upside, that page had a trailer for a DIY show called “The Vanilla Ice Project”. I guess it’s because he used to drop MCs like a pound of bacon. Or so he said.
Here: <3. I never give those out. It seems appropriate.
So it will be a collector’s item someday?
Thank you.
Yes. So screen shot it to prove you were the first. Here have one more. <3 christ.
What I need to do, then, is print a few of these screenshots, then drive down to Texas and camp out on your porch until you agree to autograph them.
After that, I can sell them on eBay until I can afford a lifetime of scandalously fast and reliable WiFi.
Screen shot it post ot and I will sign it.
I am sorry this happened to you. Waking up must be a traumatic moment.
Frustrating, at least.
Well I am glad that you are alive. But I am sorry to hear that you are not doing so well.
Well this is the right place to be posting when your not doing so well. SP forum… the forum for people who are not doing so well.
Yeah I had seen the post you made about the pill poping, but before I could post > it was deleted by yours truly. I then figured you were in suicidal panic… which you were.
My biggest concern was that in a suicidal panic you would go off and do sometime irrational and potentially wind up in even a worse situation.
Well I am glad to see your posting again and I really hope that things get better for you in more ways then one.
You can contact me anytime you want to chat.
Hang in there.
I wish there was more I could do to help you out.
If we ever get t-shirts and coffee mugs made, that can be our slogan:
“SP… The Forum For People Who Are Not Doing So Well.”
If we buy commercial airtime, I’ll set it to music so we can have a jingle.
Great. I like the T-shirt and coffee mugs idea.
“SP… the Forum for people Who Aren’t Doing so Well”
You do the music. I will do the art work.
Were going to need a whole theme for this.
We can have some additional slogans too for other items like pens and stationary.
SLogans like. “Life Sucks, but try not to Kill Yourself…SP forum”
Key chains, bracelets, guest towels, tote bags, welcome mats…
Don’t forget those crappy rubber bracelets like livestrong. It could be dielame or something. Baby shit brown.
So you say you aren’t doing well?
Is you life a living hell?
Is your little cutting tool your only friend?
Do you only feel safe at home?
Trust me you’re not alone.
Join the misfit group at SP forum.
So you say you need a friend..
Until we meet again…
Until we meet again at SP forum.
How’s that for a jingle?
I never saw the post. I’m glad you are alright now.(sort of) Did you go to a doctor or a hospital?
No doctor, no hospital.
I’m single and I live completely alone, so nobody ever knew anything happened.
*hug* im so sorry. Please email me you’d be wonderful to keep contact with idk if you’re planning a retry but please email me.
Out of curiosity how many tramadols did you take?
I can relate to this post and that track is pretty weird but nice.
It’s probably not ok for me to post the amount, because it might qualify as sharing m@thods.
Let’s just charitably vaguely say it was “way more than I should have taken”.
Do you normally take tramadol for pain? You may have built a resistance to it. I was just curious. Drug OD is not the way I’d want to go out, seen a lot of failed attempts in my career as an EMT and how it has messed up the patients health.
Yeah I agree with that Cordless. I have had some suicide attemps.. But I try not to get into details about the methods I used… because I don’t want to give anybody any ideas.
I take it for pain, but not on a daily basis. It’s reserved for “emergencies” (days when the pain is especially bad), which is how I was able to build up such a big stash.
Cordy, hun, I was so worried, from the time you got your results.. I’m saddened that I along with others here, weren’t able to see your posts… Phantom was filling me in the whole time. He was worried sick, as was I. I’m glad you’re still with us, and I’m so sorry you’ve been going through all this.. *hugs*
I love you, hun.
Your friend,
Trey, the mindless gamer
Thank you for worrying and caring.
And for the plethora of hugs (I will save some for later).
Honestly what sounds good right now is a meatball sub with lots of hot peppers.
Not that there’s anything like that anywhere in my home right now.
Maybe tomorrow I will get dressed and go out and have a meatball sub on my way back.
I have to pick up my mail and go to the bank and get groceries and pick up my prescriptions.
LOLz. Yes. More prescriptions. Let’s not think about it.
Well I am glad that you seem to be inching your way toward getting back on track.
Be careful. hang in there.
HUGS
Holy sht…I’ve been semi-ignoring this place for a little bit because of unimportant reasons. But something told me to check in just now. Guess this was that something.
I sincerely hope that you’re not thinking about trying again with the remaining Damn-It-All.
I wish I knew how to answer that.
But thank you for checking in and leaving a comment.
I get more help and support here than I do from anyone I see face-to-face.
Thank you all for being part of that.
Of course, Cordless. We all really care about you. I wish I could hug you right now. But what use are those, anyway? I just hope you’re going to be okay.
Cordless, well my little lady please take it easy, your still here! Don’t get all excited! you have time for that later, right now you have us, i love to hear you play the piano again 🙂 we all will throw in the towel sooner or later right? so let’s throw it in later OK? in the mean time lets enjoy what we have. 🙂
Hi Cordless. I’m glad you’re still here and posting again. We all missed you.
Thank you. 😮
Hello. I’m new here, but from what I can tell everyone here seems to care about you. I just wanted to say I’m sorry about what’s been happening to you. Hope you feel better.
I feel slightly better.
Thank you!
P.S. Welcome to SP.
Hey.
Hey!
I couldn’t be on yesterday, i was out from 8 am to 11 pm.. exhausted by the time i got home. ugh im so sorry. What happened chordful? What triggered you to go off like that?
I can’t loose my piano buddy. There’s no one else who understands what im saying when i talk music.. Or cares.. Or who does requests and challenges.
Not to mention how suportive and helpful you are. Every other day, ill go on everyone’s personal account thing on here just to check for posts. You’re one of the first ones i checked. I should check more often, i just, really care about you.
I think there were two categories of things that triggered me.
1. Being diagnosed with so many different serious medical issues, one after the other. I’ve told you guys about a lot of them, but there are more I haven’t even mentioned. I’m not a healthy person, and the doctors keep finding more things that are going wrong.
2. Someone I care for very much is in the hospital right now, possibly dying, possibly already dead. It’s very hard to handle that.
hi cordless, hope your doing better. i know things can get hard; however, ill be around if you want someone to talk to. when i first came to this website you where the first one to comment on my cry for help and i would always appreciate that. you seem like a good hearted person and doesn’t deserve to feel so sad. (like many of us). keep up the fight.
I’m doing slightly better.
Thank you for remembering me!
And thank you for seeing me as a good hearted person. If only the rest of my body parts were in good condition, and I wasn’t such a medical mess.