So I’ve been taking a shower like, once every 3days. Same with brushing my teeth. Been sleeping either a lot or not at all. I didn’t even realize the shower and brushing my teeth thing until my mom pointed it out. I guess im just not noticing time passing. Never thought I’d get this bad though
Ive been crying almost everyday, begging god to make everything go back to normal. Every once in a while my ex texts me, then i get my hopes up and i think “thank you god, he’s giving me another chance”. Then he just suddenly stops replying, and i realize that god doesnt give a shit about an ant. Thats all we are. In fact, compared to the universe, our planet is a grain of sand in the ocean. So what are we. Germs maybe. We mean nothing. Nothing that has happened and nothing that will happen will ever really matter.
I would just do it now, but I have the date set for next month. It’s an important date, so if I’m dying anyway, why not leave a message that’ll be burned into his memory. Can’t decide if I should do it in the house or under this abandoned bridge nearby. If I do it in my house, my parents will find me and that’ll be pretty upsetting. They’d be stuck living here knowing that I died in the other room. If I choose the bridge, there are houses like, 100 ft away. If no one found me, the people that lived there would smell a rotting corpse and that would suck. Third option would be great if I really wanna scar him. It’s an important place. But it’s out in the open and surrounded by houses and stores. Probably end up at home. I don’t want to die alone in a ditch
4 comments
We both beg for things to be normal, and we both feel like God isn’t listening.
And we both feel like tiny specks when we look up at the stars.
I wish I had answers.
Try to do what you’ve always wanted and realistically can do before the date, you’ll leave at least a bit happy. My best wishes for you and if you want to talk I’m here c:
Thanks you guys :C
If you want things to be normal, make them normal. Don’t wait around for them to change themselves. One of our worst enemies as human beings is our train of that. The way we tend to think and see the world. We’re always waiting around for things to happen for us and to us, but what happens when we don’t get up to feed ourselves, or use the restroom when needed? Nothing happens (except for starvation and the rupturing of your bladder). Look at life this way. The best way to understand your ex boyfriend is by talking to him. Have you tried asking him what’s going on in that head of his? Bring it to his attention that you ARE feeling this way, that you want him to be there for you to make it better. If he doesn’t want to be there, it’s hard to understand, but let him go. Your life is your life, and it is more precious than you can understand. Once you kill yourself, you’re done. There’s no more you. Think about what it will do to your parents, especially your mother. I know in your latest post you complained about how your mother mocks you, but even still she will be devastated. There’s in nothing that will break a mother’s heart more than the death of her child. Your ex may mourn you for a short amount of time, but your mother (and father) will remember this until the day they die. It may be your life, but once you enter into others, your life becomes a part of theirs.