The ropes around your neck. It’s good and tight. It’s, almost comfortable. You start feeling fuzzy. A pressure behind your eyes. It’s calming, it’s happening… the background noises start to sound weird. Like this “whah-whah-whah” sound. Calming. A heavy sleepiness. Tingles everywhere. It’s so beautiful.
Then your brain flips out, like oh fuck, stop stop stop, abort mission. You fumble around. Releasing the knot. Gasping. Your brain is relieved. Your mind is pissed.
Know what I’m talking about?
19 comments
Somewhat.
I’ve never hung myself but I have a bad choking habit. It’s comforting to feel your pulse in your hand, or pounding against a chain or a belt or a ribbon. It’s nice knowing that you have the power to stop that pulse, if you want to.
I feel I don’t. I want to. Just lie there and be done. But even when it comes to giving up, I give up. The epitome of failure. To quit quitting in the middle of quitting.
Is it fear? Because I don’t see anything shameful in the natural fear of death. That’s how it’s been since the first multicellular organisms slithered across the floors of the dark, Precambrian seas. Conditioning that runs that deep is pretty hard to shake.
I think it’s survival instinct. Brain vs Mind.
Brain vs. Mind. That’s a genius way of putting it, Alan.
I know you said that in your post, but it didn’t strike me until now.
Worded slightly different, anyways. Settling for flooring some pills, not an OD attempt. Just a nice buzz, few smokes. Gruellingly slow suicide. Surely I can join the masses who find a contentment with life, days before discovering their impending death.
If I even considered this method I would love to think I would pass out from the compression before the survival instants kicked in and I started thrashing around. That would be a horrible way to go, thinking oh crap and trying to undo the knot and probably not being able to :-s
I have never done this, but have occasionally wondered how it would be.
I sometimes wonder is it really as torturous as it seems, when it is such a common m3thod and one of the most reliable. It is a very tempting option for sure ^_^
I took to many pills back in January. I woke up a few hours after I had taken them and I could barely walk. It was at that point that I went into the bathroom to try and throw up. It was too late. I was asleep for almost three days. I have epilepsy and because I was so sedated I had three grand mal seizures while I was sleeping. When I woke up my family was there sitting by my hospital bed. I could barely talk because I had nearly bit through my tongue. I still do not understand how they all cared that day when they never had before and have not since. For one week I felt like maybe it was a good thing that I woke up. It was a very short lived feeling.
In America we lack empathy, community is determined based on money and fashion. We have lost our humanity and it is eating away at the fabric of us all. This website feels like the first community that I might actually be able to be accepted into.
Yeah, I actually tried to hang myself multiple times as a teenager. It felt like my head was going to explode and then I was afraid it actually would, and then brains everywhere.
I’m glad you’re still alive.
Thank you, that’s very kind of you to say. 🙂
That description made the hair on my neck tingle. Wow.
Me too.
Oh look you are in full color today.
Surprise!
Enjoy it while it lasts; I can never decide on a pic so I just keep changing them.
After all, it’s one of the few things in this world I actually have control over, so I like to make the most of it. Ha. 🙂