Old jam. But feeling all sentimental towards my crew here. Haven’t posted this week. So Cordless, Hazy, Phantom, Mindless, Rocketman, Morris, and all the rest that I can’t spell your username without seeing it… lol.
I really wish I could talk to someone strictly through songs. It’s just so much easier to convey myself. I actually had her once but I fucked it up. That’s a sad story you’ll never hear though.
Loneliness is killing me today….. feels like I’m in the corner of a circle room.
Email is suicidealom@ gmail if anyone wants to send a note….
The grass is dead….
Roof is damaged…
Attics full of mold…
Electrical system shorted….
Walls are weathered and worn….
Foundation is weak and crumbling….
I’m not sure she can withstand another thunderstorm. Not to mention another hurricane. Yeah, I reckon it’s time to cut my losses and move. Yet I’m so hesitant. Sure there’s the enticement of home shopping. Moving in is full of excitement. Though I’m wise enough to expect to find faults. Loose screws here and there. Why, though, why so hesitant to move. Probably because I’ve adapted. I know where to place buckets when it rains, which electrical sockets poke me, which walls are drafty when it’s cold. At what point do I say some shelter is better than no shelter? At what point do I accept this shelter is more of a funnel, channeling the storm towards me?
Wählen Sie zunächst zwei Scheiben Brot, vorzugsweise weiß. Auf einer Scheibe, Abstrich eine Schicht von Erdnussbutter auf die gewünschte Dicke mit einem stumpfen stumpfen Messer. Auf der anderen Scheibe, mit einem Messer oder Löffel ein zu schaffen Schicht von Gelee , vorzugsweise Erdbeere.
Maische bis jetzt nach innen zusammen mit den klebrigen Bits Scheiben schneiden.
Um einen Hauch von Klasse hinzufügen, stellen zwei diagonale Schnitte 4 gleiche Dreiecke zu erstellen….
I’m going to bet that makes no sense at all.
Spiral like a cyclone,
Getting sadder and sadder,
Like I’m upside down,
Trying to climb a ladder,
And I can’t get a grip,
And I don’t have a hold,
So it’s just harder I try,
Then the lower I go.
Now I’m trying to dig myself,
Up and out of this hole,
But I bury myself deeper,
With every shovel full,
Of this dirt that’s my life,
I can’t pretend I’m alright,
Cuz every time I get on track,
And I start to see the the light,
Then the train fucking hits me,
And turns the day back to night.
I’d write something pessimistic, but you probably wouldn’t read it.
shits going swell. I’m not gonna go into details. I’m not gonna shit a rainbow on your dark clouds. But, for real, my list of fuck yeah is a mile long.
But, I’m still tormented. Shits still caving in on the inside. All because I’m ignoring the elephant in the room. That big fat stankin ***** is blocking the TV and I pretend I don’t mind missing Wheel of Fortune reruns.
Why? Nothing but fear is why. It’s gotta happen sometime soon. Somebody call the zoo or the psychward cuz this cohabitation is fucking aggravating.
And I am. For now at least. Guess you’ll have to search YouTube for Twiztid yourselves.
You ever talk to someone and get genuinely surprised they’re capable of remembering to breathe? So often, I hopefully wish their stupidity hurts them more than it hurts me. Then the golden nugget, complain of their chronic persistent headache. First thought is it must be from being forced to hear themselves 24/7.
Youse guys, this is a pretty dope video. Alright song too. Check it out.
Once again, I’m posting some music. But rather than just linking, I’m going to explain a bit for each video. The first video we have is “Raw Deal” by Twiztid. You’ve probably noticed I post a lot of Twiztid. Well, if you’re unfamiliar, they talk about being different, anxiety, depression, addiction… while they gained notoriety for being affiliated with ICP, they tend to touch on more serious topics. I feel more emotional connection to them I suppose. I chose “Raw Deal” as I feel it’s a good summary of them.
Next up, is “I Wanna Die” by Dark Lotus, which is essentially Twiztid and ICP with a few other label mates. I think the title alone speaks volumes as to why I’m posting this. Let’s cut deeper. Look into the verses and I think everyone here can find one portrayal they relate to. Maybe more than one.
So anyways for anyone who hasn’t really ever listened to Twiztid before, I’d suggest checking them out. If you’re on SP I can almost guarantee you’ll relate. I’d suggest checking out Freak Show or Mirror Mirror albums. Hope you enjoy.
I’m adding “The World” by Twiztid off the Mirror Mirror album. This resonates through me, someone has to feel this.
Disclaimer: This post is not intended to be considered threatening in any matter. I in no way, shape, or form would embark on such matters nor encourage others to do so. That said….
So, as I progress through somewhat of a rollercoaster of depression. Suicidal, angry, apathetic, suicidal, nothing, apathetic, angry… you get the jist. I’m starting to understand mass indiscriminate murdering. I mean, very few of us got here on our own. There’s a lot of people who are straight up dirt. Rapist, abusers, oppressors and the like. They’re the society building a world I withdraw from. So say I randomly shoot 10 people. From what the news shows, personal stories shared here… I think it’s a safe bet that 5 of them are seriously fucking evil. From how many visitors we see here, with mental health statistics, 2 victim at least are suicidal.
Again I don’t condone it, but, it makes sense. You kick me in the balls daily. Why am I suicidal and not you? Doesn’t being a raging ball kicker bother you? Do you enjoy hurting others? Yes? Then fucking die. No? You don’t? Well then you’re awfully tormented. Lucky for you I got a solution.
I’m still suicidal, just not enough to act on it.
I’ve changed I guess it’s not enough.
My ambitions, well they’re not enough.
Nobody is helping me, well not enough.
I’ve reached out, guess maybe not enough.
Maybe they care , just not enough.
I got a lil money, just not enough.
Got a few smokes, of course, not enough.
Even when I feel OK, it’s just not enough.
So, I guess I can’t honestly say I’ve had enough. I haven’t.
It seems I want it all. At this point, I don’t care what. Just give me all of it. Be it suicide, freedom, happiness. Makes no difference. I just want 100% of something.
PS. We miss you Cordless. Thy Queen of the Suicidal. You’ve grown to be one of my best friends. I may be ingongnito for a bit.
It appears as though I may have mislead some of you. I apologize. It was never my intent to represent myself in a manner in which would deceive any of you. So here it is, the honest truth….
I am not Steve Buscemi. He’s a great guy from stories I’ve heard. My avatar is just a great picture of him. Actually I choose that picture because the character ” crazy eyes ” is notorious for not visually seeing well. I think that represents me fairly. I tend to overlook obvious faults, not out of compassion, but because I simply don’t notice them.
Well, I’m not as brave as Cordless. I can’t bring myself to post a selfie. So, here’s my hand drawn selfie. Behold, AO.
Adding this on for Cordless and Hazy