I’ve been battling depression since the age of 13. In my community depression is seen as a sin. So I developed an outer shell that showed the world all was well. At 33 almost 34 married to a loving wife and 2 beautiful daughters, how is it that I can be so blessed yet so empty? Why do I consider death as a reprieve?
People, when I have broached the subject tell me it’s all in my mind, I opened up to my wife and she says she’ll help but is indifferent towards me now. I’m not even hanging on by a thread and up to my eyeballs in debt, how am I supposed to continue this act?
I’m so tired. Ive planned my death in detail, in the most painful ways imaginable to the last breath and am so close. I’m tired of being told it’s in my head I’m tired of pretending and hiding the pain.
6 comments
it sounds like financial stress is getting to you. Take deep breaths friend. Start saving your money more. All of it can pass with time.
What is the biggest reason for your depression, do you know? What are you lacking?
I think I’m lacking self worth, or rather knowing myself. I don’t remember a time not being depressed. The money issue is an issue but not THE issue. My fear is transference to my little girls. I am close to the edge, however I know I need help dealing with it.
P.s. they say it’s easier to bear ones soul to strangers hence me being here
We are almost the same age. I understand how you feel cause i feel the same although i don’t have a family. You should get some help to deal with your depression. You have two beautiful daughters and you must think about. I see that you are new here so welcome to sp.
I can relate except throw in a controlling husband and some infidelity. I find that no matter how hard I try to ” put on a happy face” for my boys. I just can’t. My youngest son has been struggling since he age of 6, schools wanted him diagnosed, so for years I have been fighting that. AND NOW he has one. ODD oppositional defiant disorder. He tells me regularly that he just wants to die. Did I pass that on or is it just genetics. I have never told him this is how I feel., but today he told me that he is afraid that I will attempt it. He told me that a bully at his schools dad committed suicide and that he does not want that to happen to me. Sad thing is I can get the help that he needs, but if I reach out for help there is nothing ( unless you have a lot of $$). Which we don’t. Im truly lost……
@replogged hang in there. I honestly feel what you feel.