As a failed suicide attempt veteran i know enough not to live for your date. That said the plan is to hang myself tomorrow when i wake up.(hopefully no one will be home) I also know hanging is horrific and unreliable but its all i have. Dont panic those who care it’ll likely fail but in the event that attempt 175 is the charm (idk the actual number) good bye. Im beyond tired i don’t belong here i should have never been born. Ugly awkward people dont matter certainly not those who are depressed and perpetually isolated. I want death so bad
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If you’re not trying to improve, your life will suck, but if you make an effort, it will improve a little. Remember there’s no going back after death. You could even just end up still alive and paralyzed.
How exactly would you know if im trying or not?
I wouldn’t know, but I was just saying… in my opinion, there’s always room for improvement. We’re all gonna die eventually anyway, so it’s my own goal to make life fairly comfortable for myself before that happens. (Even if I remain alone with no friends or a p.artner, etc.)
forgive me if i remember this wrong, but you’re living with your sister aren’t you?
“don’t panic” well um.. that didn’t work. doesn’t really matter how many attempts didn’t work, it’s not something i can exactly be whatever about.
fuck aesthetics, alright? fuck all the superficial bull that’s always put at the forefront as being oh so very important. freaking gods i wish i were blind sometimes.. and screw trying to be important to society at large. you matter to the people who care about you. grand scheme.. aint too important right now.
what’s wrong with living for a date, anyway? i know you have months left until the one you set.. it’s a goal to focus on, to try to get through a bit, see improvements. i know you know that already.. and yes nobody chose to be born or to have depression or to deal with any of the total freakin stupidity that goes on.. but there’s gotta be something that’s worth it.
i need a crystal ball or somethin.. i don’t have any answers or promises that thing’s will be better or your current job will stop stressin you. there’s still a chance for better things, though, for a better tomorrow. for you to go after a career you’d enjoy even though yeah it’d take effort and stuff’s a lot harder when you just wanna say f it anyway.
i don’t know, and i never really have.
is leaving this job at all an option? you said it’s similar to your last.. if it’s bringin you to your breaking point and yea i know it’s not the only issue but seems like kinda last straw right now then screw it honestly it’s not more important than your life. and i can only say that cuz.. i got nothin to help with the rest that’s not as it should be.
Ive been trying to improve i cant handle life. It isnt just the ugliness or even the job its the black hole of nothingness that is existence.
True, there is that…
I wonder if animals ever feel that too and that’s why some of them seem to deliberately get hit by vehicles while they’re crossing the road?
There was a video of a swan killing itself. Contrary to what is thought animal DO kill themselves. They aren’t as prolific as us but it does happen.
Not surprised. Sometimes it might be due to rabies, other times… who knows.
Life just feels like a dream for me, and last night in a dream I thought to myself… “What if when I die, I’ll just be stuck inside another dream?” There were also zombies in that one though, so maybe I shouldn’t take my subconscious mind that seriously.
wow deadman. I want to say don’t do this, but I feel like a hypocrite. I can’t say anything to stop you. I want you to just keep walking forward. Sometimes just walking forward things begin to get better. Just enough to want to keep living. I will be thinking of you tomorrow morning. I really don’t want you to do this.
Setting dates and elaborate plans makes it more likely to fail because of circumstances and pressure. The only surefire way I can think of is drowning. I’m going to find a pond or lake and do it. Also, if you end up doing it, do it away from home because it will scar whoever walks in.
Youre right dates do suck. I didn’t have an opportunity to so didn’t do it
I was just going to put a post up asking how you are. Because you matter. I am treading water today, my head bobbing up and down. Not a soul knows. No one ever knows. I am making my way to the shore. I think I made my was out of the riptide pulling me towards a giant psychotic fall. I can do this. You can do this. I get it. Really I do. No can’t feel your emotions but I know the feeling of treading water and rip tides.
That was RIDDLED with typos but you get the meaning right?
Yeah i do i didn’t see many typos my brain could have filled in the gaps
I’m kinda glad to hear that..
Can i ask how you’re doin tonight?
Im doing how are you
Yesterday balanced itself out, and i have today off, so it should be ok too.
‘doing’ ain’t so bad sometimes
Doing is just the answer i give i want to die