help

Well im not sure why im here i geuss this site just felt like the best place to share my story. Ive helped a lot of suicidal people and i was told that i was very good at helping to change there lifes i listened to them and helped but ive never had any one help me. When i was born my mother and father were addicted to cocaine things weren’t so bad my dad had a stable job and i had my grandfather. When my grandfather died i was about 4 or 5 my dad became closer to my uncle who was also a drug dealer he became part of the family i loved him and it makes me sick to say that i did he would get people addicted to coke take them for every thing they had and then leave them with nothing. He tried to do this to my dad as my dad got worse he started hitting me more. At the age of 7 he started trying to beat the shit out of me he would get wasted and want to fight ive allways been a non violent kid so i would just take it. At age 9 my mother quit coke and kicked my dad out of the house for 4 years i had no idea where my dad was i didn’t even kno if he was alive or dead i missed him every day now i am 17 going on 18 and i got my 16 year old Girl friend pregnant (you don’t have to tell me im stupid i already know) well before i knew she was pregnant i met this girl she is 15 now i love her but i also loved my current girlfriend well time went by about a year i stopped talking to the girl i loved and stayed with my girlfriend. But now i see the girl i loved every day its killing me we dont talk because i asked her not to talk to me thinking i could forget about her ha like i could do that we make eye conntact and it hurts inside. ill turn around and see her staring and then she will quickly turn away i miss her and don’t know what to do. i just need some one to talk to about my life someone who wont judge me maybe someone who could help me maybe a friend im 17 now ill be 18 when the baby is born if you want to talk or help my email is beneggs@hotmail.com.