What’s the point?

I stopped myself from killing myself back in 2013. My family and friends shut me out after being kicked out of a musical, and my life was ruined. I stopped myself from stealing my grandmother’s car and driving away to somewhere else. I got over that with my conversion to Atheism, as I found that relying on God to fix my problems was just dumb. I was good.

I’m 16 now. I’ve gone through more experiences in my life now, and I thought I changed, maybe even matured. I wrote this tonight realizing that nothing changed. Nothing gives me joy anymore. I stopped playing video games, (I don’t do sports either.) reading from my small collection, and resorted to just lying on my couch; vegetating. I’d watch something on Netflix, then just pass out after school. After that, I’d fake happiness to my mother and try to fall asleep. I don’t feel happy or satisfied anymore. My life has just turned into the same thing, and at my age…I really can’t do much about it. I’ve been going into rages where I yell at myself in the mirror about how useless and how much of a failure I am, and I’ve been getting into more arguments with my mother over dumb shit. I try to cherish every moment she’s not at work, but it’s only gotten worse. When I try to think of the future and where I would be, I just realize my lack of real skill exists and picture myself even more alone than I am right now.

At this point, I’ve had some bad thoughts. I’ve stopped myself from attacking my mother, and I had to prevent myself from overdosing again. I usually don’t ask for help, but I’m at my wit’s end here. I don’t want anyone or myself to get hurt, but I just don’t have a real reason to go on. Can some one on here give me some advice? I’m in dire need of some, and I don’t want the emo kid label again…or death.