I think too much. Their voices are in my head, the stress is weighing on me, and the words are there but won’t come out. I wish they could see that I can’t do this anymore. I have high school, and college classes at the same time, along with two jobs and one volunteer job, and I can’t ever sleep, and I barely eat anymore. I get sick when I eat, and I’m never hungry, I can’t do this. I really can’t. I’m so numb inside, I can’t even cry. I don’t know who I am anymore. I want to tell someone, but who will listen? I feel like a whiny little child, crying when life gets to hard or doesn’t go their way, but I am dying here, please help me. I’m killing myself, and you can’t see me.
There are scars where you can’t see, and I never want you to see. Please, don’t believe my smile anymore. Don’t look at the tears in my eyes, I’m conflicting with myself, splitting right down the middle. I keep going and going, and when will I stop? No one knows the stress, the depression, they can’t feel my pain. They believe the lies, I know it. They eat them right up, and they smile at me and say, “This is good.” So I paint the smile again, and press play so they hear laughter, and then I say, “I’m okay.” But I’m not okay. I’m not okay. Why can’ you see that I’m not okay? Don’t listen to me, don’t listen to me. I’m not okay.
But I’m still breathing, right? I’m still living?
Then I’m okay. Right?