If you’re bored then you’re boring. In my case, probably true. But there it is.
Having attempted to cut out all the things in life that make me anxious (mostly involving other people), I find it incredibly hard to invest anything with meaning or significance.
I’m not sure why that’s so terrifying. But it is. The idea of being in a world where everything is just tedious and empty seems unbearable. Maybe it’s a survival thing. I need some kind of motivation to push me to do things that’ll increase my life chances in the long term. But it’s just not there. I should care. It feels wrong not to. I care about not caring. But whether it’s myself or other people, there comes a point where I just want it all to stop. Or to be something more than it could ever be.
And I end up turning to fucked up things to drive that feeling away, if only for a few minutes. Anything to feel excitement, engagement, purpose, significance. To feel at one with the moment, rather than distanced from it, thinking how pointless and monotonous it all is. To escape to a reality that is not this one, where the rules do not apply.
3 comments
This is life, there are things that are gonna make you anxious. Look at kids: their parents Push them to do all sorts of shit they don’t initially want to do. But you learn, and the anxiety abates.
I can relate, but you have to embrace life (and yourself).
thehusk,
I’m guilty of the same thing! “Having attempted to cut out all the things in life that make me anxious (mostly involving other people)” Mostly because other people are a bunch of shit!! 🙂
But I replaced things that upset me with things I like, example cooking, making myself something I really enjoy to eat, or getting on here now and then talking to friends, I have enough things that I enjoy to keep me busy and change them from one another every day, repetition is boring, it’s important to entertain yourself and be your number one fan!!
But of course stay I try to stay away from fucked up things that end up hurting me, it’s important to remember life isn’t a bowl of cherries 24hrs, not for anyone.
Remember people come and go but your always with yourself, make yourself happy.
Oh and set goals that are important to you, even a little progress here and there makes you feel better and it adds up.
So right rocketman. The worst thing you can do is bring yourself lower by turning toward destructive things. I thank god drugs were never my thing. With my addictive personality and current mental status I’d be so screwed.