please forgive my grammar
I am a 20 years old will be 21 this year I am writing this not as a cry for help but to get it off my chest I am planning to kill myself in less than a year or when the opportunity presents itself I am doing it because of severe mental health issues I am still researching many ways to end it and honestly I feel happy and at peace with the idea of dying I am losing everything that has made me…. well me as my “issues” progress further I find myself scared not by death but living a life I don’t want to live living just to be alive I am slowing losing my ability to understand emotions and it scares me because I love humanity and I am also slowing losing my ability to recognize why life or anything matters I know I wont ever hurt anyone but I am scared if one day I will forget why I value life so much and as I use to say as a kid I would rather die than to hurt someone I am scared I will one day forget the me I am and turn into something else so I will end it before it may happen I truly regret only leaving so many of my dreams unfulfilled but I am truly excited by the endless possibilities that may lay ahead after I end it though I am an atheist I truly wish to see if my bet was right on the afterlife life is a shit hole if you read through this please try to be happy even in the final moments as I will die with a smile if I can help it I hope you can too
4 comments
You sound a lot like me. What are your mental health issues? Are they neurotic or schizophrenic?
I am going to be honest I only went to a psychiatrist as a kid and I lied for entire year so I was never diagnosed but i have depression with manic episodes so I might be bipolar and slowing losing my ability to value or understand emotions
Neurosis then.
probably but i am starting to have episodes when i lose my sense of reality which never happened to me before and its getting harder to hide