I thought I was getting better. It turns out I’m probably worse than when I was before. I supposedly getting me phone back from the police after 6 long months. But since I’ve been without it for so long, I just want to use it again, and text people I haven’t spoken to in a really long time. But I can’t text them because my case is still open, and the police can see my phone any time they want. Like, unfortunately I still did not run away yet, for 2 reasons. 1- someone took some of my saved up money and I need that. And 2- the place where I might stay at I have to talk to him and I can’t do that without my phone :/ But eventually and hopefully soon I’m out of my house.
But I have not healed. I have not gotten better, I only got better at lying and faking things. That High Focus Centers program did not help, they only wasted my time, and prescribed me with depression/anxiety meds, and those don’t even work. So, the only good things that I really got out of it was that I didn’t have to go to school for 2 months and I didn’t have to face any of the people from school. After that I got nothing out of the program. I’m still talking with people older than me, I’m still suicidal, I’m still anorexic, I’m still self-harming, I’m still schizophrenic, I still have anxiety attacks, I still want to run away, I still want sex. I still have all my problems, and I feel that it all got worse. And now I even have homicidal thoughts. The other day I took a small handful of pills. I packed to runaway. I have urges to kill people. I don’t know, maybe I’m going to have to deal with all this until I kill myself, or die, which ever one comes first.