im 22 and my favorite color is pink. i’ve been hospitalized 8 times so far. first when i was 15 and last was in august.
ive been waiting and waiting for things to get better and stay better but it seems like they get better and then worse then the last time it was worst.
a few days after christmas i found out i was pregnant. by this guy i’d slept with twice before who i knew i didn’t meant anything to. he’s kind of my friend i guess. i became friends with him and his other friends last year. they all haven’t known me very long but i latched on to them and really liked them.
anyway he wanted me to get an abortion but wasn’t forcing me or anything. i just knew he wanted that from the beginning. i didn’t know what i was going to do, but i was leaning toward keeping it.. making plans and everything.
january 16th i went to the ER for once non psych related. found out i had an ectopic pregnancy. they removed it along with my tube it was in.
so now i’m only 22 god damn years old and have just one tube. and my so called friends have pretty much abandoned me now. i guess i’m tainted for getting pregnant by their friend, who also hasn’t really said much since i lost the pregnancy. hasn’t seen me. what did i expect though right.
no one cares that i’m going through a loss.. i’ve never had a loss ever. and everything is back to normal or didn’t happen and i have nothing to show for all this trauma. my mom completely acts like this didn’t just hurt me. life is supposed to go on i guess. but how does it when you’re completely alone
2 comments
Welcome.
You’ll find that this is a good place to vent your feelings. People here are caring and won’t judge you….
I know that experience changed you, and that life doesn’t just snap back to normalcy after any kind of surgery. I’m sorry that it seems like noone cares.. I hope you can continue to vent/post here, and I hope that you find someone here who can relate somewhat, because I know there are others who’ve went through something similar and know just what you mean…
Anyways, just wanted you to know I read your post without judgement.
I’m new here too. Your mom cares sweetie, she just doesn’t know what to say so she says nothing; or tries to focus on the bright side. Life can be overwhelming at any age and people avoid what is painful; or what they’re unsure of. I have two daughters, 9 and 6, and it would break my heart if they struggle as I have. My husband has basically abandoned our family and it totally surprised me. It has been beyond devastating I struggled a lot with suicidal feelings when I was younger, but I really thought that I had beaten it. Not so; this has thrown me on my ass. And watching my daughters hurt over their dad has been a 5th chamber of hell that I have never dreamed existed. I used to put pressure on them to be ok; because if they aren’t ok, I’m not ok. But we went to a family counselor who acknowledged their pain and I realized (duh) that I can’t force my kids to be ok and that I have to acknowledge their pain. I’m really sorry that you have been so wounded. I’m sad that you are hurting. I do know that you matter and that you have value. Don’t entrust your body to assholes who don’t probably place much value to anyone. That will not put you on a pathway to healing. I’m also sorry about your pregnancy and loss of your tube. That’s a bunch of loss to take in all at once. Try to do things that are good for you. Rest, eat properly and one thing that consistently helps me to get out of the hellish prison of my rotted skull is trying to be thankful and helping those less fortunate. I realize how complex people are- and yet we are all alike on some ways. I hope that this encourages you a little and it isn’t too old lady preachy. Find your way out this because then maybe you could help others who are stuck.