Doubt

. . . what makes seeing value in ourselves is that we’re usually so busy seeing only the negative. We focus on it and magnify it and make it out to be all there is, but for everything dark, there is something light. There is something about you that puts those curvy smiles on their faces. I don’t know you, so I don’t know what it might be, but whatever it is, it’s what you have to offer and it’s yours to give and to share, and that’s the light in your situation of dark. It may not be enough to keep you here. But it’s yours, and to your family and close friends and acquaintances, to those who do know you, it’s your small gift to them in a huge world of crap. I don’t have the gift you have. What makes it challenging to see and understand the value of it is, again, the way we (you and me and millions of others) only see the negative. How can we POSSIBLY be worth a damn, right? Yeah, I know, that’s the recording playing over and over in my head too. But it’s not entirely true. Your friends/family have, at some point, told you what they value about you. If you’re like me, you probably instantly downplayed it, but they meant it. There’s good in you. Somewhere. The challenge you face is to learn to recognize it and understand its place in your life. That may take the rest of your life, however long it might be. You don’t want to be like me. You want to be you, the you that makes others smile, that endears them to you. There is really, in my opinion, no other reason for our existence here than to share with others that tiny, insignificant aspect of goodness that lies deep within ourselves. If we aren’t able to do that, then we’re just wandering aimlessly, marking time, wondering “Why am I here, what am I doing?” Society will always tell you that you’re not good enough, that you should look a certain way, dress a certain way, smell a certain way, wipe your butt a certain way. You will be told that what you are and who you are is never, ever good enough and you need to be different, that you need fixing. Society has its issues. You have a unique gift. Somewhere. It’s like a diamond in your pocket, you just have to find it. It isn’t easy, it doesn’t happen quickly, but it can happen. It isn’t going to reveal itself with lightning and fireworks and trumpets blaring. It may not be as important or visible as what I or anyone else has to offer, on the other hand it might eclipse what I or anyone else has to offer. But it’s yours, it’s you, and people have been telling you about it for a while. It’s buried under the pain and self loathing, but it’s there.