There was point in time, actually about two months ago when I genuinely knew what I felt. Sadness, pain and hopelessness. Now I’m not too sure. I have episodes of numbness. I always feel out of everything. It’s like I’m watching myself burn and I’m low-key smiling because I’ve wanted this for long. I’m extremely exhausted. I’m NUMB. I just DO NOT KNOW anymore. Not who I am. Not what I am going through. Not what I want to be because I see no future. That light at the end of the tunnel that everyone seems to claim there is, is seemingly non existent. Yup. I’m done now. I cannot wait for the time when I’ll stop feeling numb because then I will know that it’s over. It’s done. No more numbness no more pain. Nothing. I’m wishing for nothing. The end.
It seems so close. I’m almost there. I’m reaching the end. When I’ll finally know if there’s anything more to my pathetic self and this pathetic world.
8 comments
I’d be okay if there was a light at the end of the tunnel, so long that that light is attached to a fast approaching train
I hate that numbness but I’m still not sure if I prefer it to some of the more self destructive emotions or not :/
Good luck
I know. Everything right now is a blur. I don’t know what this numbness means.
Thanks
Good luck too
Numbness is better than feeling bad.
That’s true. But sometimes it just leaves you feeling dead. Immune to whatever is happening around you then people will start to judge you and distant themselves from you.
Sometimes you just what to know everything means and how it feels
Hey, numbness come when you have felt things a lot or for too long. I’m the same, I wanted so badly to die because I felt horrible, but now I want to die just to get this over with. It is weird, how your reasons change.
I like to imagine myself living other lives, but meh, too tired to reach it.
I hope you find something that makes you want to do something. For me it’s writing. I don’t feel particularly well, but at least it keeps me going.
At some point you just give up. Just stop trying. It’s frustrating but you keep going.
Yeah I hope so too I need to find that escape. Continue writing.
numbness is almost goal for me at this point. Seems like there isn’t any purpose to the universe (which isn’t as sucky as having to have a purpose), there is no purpose to life except what we assign it. If I want to be meaningless, I am meaningless. Meaningless isn’t worthless. Plenty of people with no meaning at all achieve all kinds of things. Many with stupid or poorly thought out meanings achieve things. A few people find meaning, and one would assume they achieve as well.
The void doesn’t have to be the enemy…. sometimes it’s a destination
So what exactly do you feel now? Why is numbness your goal ?
I personally find no meaning to life.
I just don’t get it. I stopped trying anyway.
But that’s very true.
It’s all about perception. We all need to perceive even the worst things into stepping stones.