As title. No, I don’t want to see a doctor, they don’t hear you. I don’t want medication, its a bandaid. I just want release. My son is a young adult in his twenties but I know, even if I leave a note saying just call the police and don’t come in, that he will come in and find me. Only the thought that he will have that imagery for the rest of his life stops me right now. Before you say go to a hotel, he would still be the one to identify my body. I love him but I hate myself, my existence, my life, even more. I’m tired of crying, of being anxious. I’m tired of this constant sickness and pain in my stomach. I hate being alive.
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Im sorry. I can understand how you feel. I am there now. The only reason I have not gone through with it is the thought of my Mom and how it will affect her. I wish they could understand that this would be a relief instead of tragedy.
Then there’s not you can do since you are worried about your son identifying your body. I guess you have to stay on this earth
*theres not much you
I’m the same situation as you’re. My case is a 17 yrs daughter. I just only concern about her. Otherwise I’m ready to go. I wish I can joint you
Similar situation here, too. The look on my mother’s face if she was potentially the one asked to identify my body fills me with great shame and horror. My father has heart trouble. The shock of my death might cause something terrible to happen to him :(. It sucks, really it does. We are all good people here and not at all interested in harming those that we still love and care about. It’s just that the pain and torment is rising with each passing day. We feel like we are out of options. What helps me sometimes is to sort of “check out” during the day as often as I can. I distance myself from people, things, and sensations as much as I am able. I tell myself things like “it isn’t real” or “nothing here can touch me”….at night before going to bed I image myself as dead, and my body joining with the earth. This gives me a profound sense of peace and I am able to relieve some of the panic and terror that I feel throughout the day. Guess you would call all of that meditation, but…..I see it merely as a disconnect. It’s not enough, I realize, but for now it is the best that I can do.