So maybe it’s not much of a problem I mean I’ve been through way worse and felt way lower in my life but for some reason I can’t help but feel alone and depressed. Growing up I didn’t have friends and I hit my peak in middle school. I have hundreds of friends well I guess looking back none of them were really my friends but once I got to high school everything changed I didn’t trust anyone and I was the most paranoid person in the world. Not like omg the FBI is after me but like I always felt that someone was going to hurt me. And I guess I still believe that today. When I was 5 I was molested in the girls bathroom at my elementary school and raped when I was 13 and again when I was 16 and again when i was 19. My main question is how do you over come the trust issue I have zero friends so I usually hang out with my cousin but she’ll be moving out of state in 2 days and I don’t know what I’m gonna do when she’s gone. At that point I will officially be all alone.
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This is something I can somewhat relate to. I had fond memories of middle school where I gained a lot of meaningful friendships and had always been a good kid. I’m in high school right now but have always felt so paranoid of people hurting me or me hurting other people that somehow I turned into a monster. I had so many insecurities that I pushed people away without really explaining to them my reasons. Always overthinking that in the end I lost everyone. I’m sorry to hear about your past and I don’t think I have the right words to comfort you as I have not experienced it myself. Though I can tell that you’re a strong person for having to deal with so much trauma and for carrying along a huge emotional baggage. I was wondering if you’ve reached out to other people or professionals about this as they may have the resources to help you heal and to trust people slowly..