i dont think im going to make it. even though im finding glimmers of hope now, i know they will fade. i know that i will fall, like i always do, and one day my cuts may be too deep. today i filled the tub and sat in it with the razor blade, thinking about how easy it would be. i didnt, obviously, but one day i will not be so lucky. one day i know i will fail to see the hope, and one day, i will die.
i just dont know how soon it will be.
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It’s in these times I remember a quote that few know and even fewer can relate to… Above all, remember that the door stands open. Do not be more fearful than children. But, just as when they are tired of the game they cry, “I will play no more,” so too when you are in a similar situation, cry, “I will play no more” and depart. But if you stay, do not cry.” -Epictetus
I wish you luck my friend and I don’t know you but I feel we share the same pain unfortunately… Lingering between living and the happiness that death will bring. I am planning goals first and once they’re accomplished I’ll look back and feel ready. Lots of those are, getting into shape, the best shape of my life, loving my spouse more than ever and leaving my family financially set before my departure. Those are the only things holding me here… Otherwise my plan would happen this very moment. Those who don’t think such as us don’t know the pain or the daily struggle to fit in while feeling lonely amongst company of others.