I’m sicken tired of worrying what other people think of me. It honestly hasn’t been that bad lately but today I had really bad anxiety. I know I’m healing but I really get upset when I allow my mind to play tricks on me like this. I know nobody actually gives a fuck about what I’m doing but no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to silence that negative voice in my head. This inner negative voice manipulates the way I see things. I start feeling like people are out to get me or make fun of me. Sometimes I get scared when I hear people laughing. I don’t know why, but I automatically assume they’re cracking jokes about me. Some days are worse than others but today sucked. I guess its part of the healing process. Tomorrow I’ll probably feel better. I wish I didn’t have social anxiety. Its crazy how statistics show that millions of people have Social Anxiety yet I feel so alone. I see people post things online about their SA but I feel like I’m hopeless often because when I go outside I don’t see these people. I see people who are “better” than me. They don’t look nervous like me. They aren’t flawed so badly like me, they can be normal human beings and be social amongst each other without hiding anything.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
4 comments
I bet if you were in a room with a few dozen people all suffering from Social Anxiety that each of them would say that they don’t see it in the others, just themselves. I think it’s the nature of the illness. I think every single one of you would say they think the others are better than them. You’re doing the talk in your head and sound generally positive in your self talk, meaning you recognize it’s the disorder and not you even though it feels like you.
Who knows if this is stupid or not, it worked for me overcoming my shyness: I acted as if.
As if I weren’t afraid; as if I belonged (not as if I didnt think i belonged, i acted as if i belonged) and so on. Was it perfect? No. But it did help and on good days, it really helped me change the way I saw myself and my possibilities.
I’ve had social anxiety all my life too.
It’s not that I think other people are better than me; it’s that I think THEY think they’re better than me. A suspicion which was confirmed day after day in my school years.
Kids are absolute assholes to anyone who’s different or disabled. And they nearly always get away with it.
I’ve noticed something different lately, though… As my health and mobility have gotten steadily worse, it takes so much energy just to stay alive that I have no energy left over to care what people around me are thinking.
It’s frightening and liberating at the same time.
It’s not just kids though Cordless.
Some of what kids do to others can be attributed to peer pressure and ignorance, but not all.
I remember kids i met in my school days, who had been taught things from their Parents and Family. Certain ‘cuss’ words and innuendo that could only have come from someone who waa older.
Hell, the other day i was walking back home and their were these 3 women having a loud ignorant conversation about some ‘inane drivel’ and one of their kids was (loudly) making remarks about about members of the public and these ‘parents of the year’ did fuck all to stop them.
In fact, you could tell they were probably looking for someone to say something to give them the opportunity to stub their cigarette out and join in, in the faux outrage of ‘how dare you speak to MY fucking kid like that’
Lonewolf – im in the same position. I don’t go out much anymore myself, i don’t see the point. Let the public judge each from their high horse. I’d sooner stay in, get high and listen to music.
Anyone is free to call me a ‘waste’ or a ‘drain’ but i’m like cordless, i don’t give a fuck anymore. (well, cordless put it nicer)
Yeah, I say get to the point where you can say (in your head) “ignoramus” and move on. Don’t let them determine who you are or how you express yourself. Don’t hide. You’re wonderful and the world needs caring people in it, not hiding from the hurt.
Believe me, I understand it is easier said than done. You’ll never be a total w@nker, so don’t let that stop you, because you DO give a f@ck and that’s what makes you actually kinda likable even though you curse too much and spell funny.