Good Evening.

Such a beautiful day today. I am 18 and I’m lonely. I’m sad all the time. I did some in depth research on Ricardo Lopez for the past 3 days. I can say I’ve become really attached to the topic. My heart is even racin just thinking about it. I watched his suicide tape about 3 times already. It doesn’t seem to phase me anymore. I am a very sick person infactuated with death. I go to church, i believe in God, but I find myself obsessed with death. I wanted to be part of death. But a part of me is saying I shouldn’t. I will be honest, I’ve become bored with my life. My parents want me to be a nurse and I’ve been working hard on that. But I don’t want to be a nurse, I’d like to draw and paint. But where’s the success in that? I have an amazing boyfriend as well, but I’ve never met him in person. We’re almost 3 years together and he’s what keeps me from sinking into my dark thoughts. He knows I suffer depression and thoughts of suicide but he never stopped talking to me. I like him a lot. Maybe he is the one to save my life.