Lied to the doctor ..Told him, I feel great, mood is good, sleep is good, all I know is that I want off of these damned meds once and for all… I’ve lost over 20lbs since I came off the last ones and I’m not in a fog. I fucking hate being a zombie .. just to survive?? That’s not good enough anymore.
I am so fucking lonely it hurts to breathe.. I can’t figure out what to do – I’ve tried to ‘put myself out there’ and the one connection I managed to make doesn’t seem to want to talk to me. The crying starts when I lay my head on my pillow, til I fall asleep.. and then I continue to wake up – WHY DO I HAVE TO WAKE UP?? Can I just PLEASE sleep?
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Ya…I hear you.
Fuck I gained 70 pounds after FOUR month long doses it took me 2 years to lose 63 pounds. (NO CHANGE IN ACTIVITY OR DIET) had to fucking starve and stop eating meat and cheese and milk and walk 750 fuckimg miles. I got like ten-15 more pounds to lose but my body seems destroyed (stretch mark, flab flaps, fat ass stomach where my fat isn’t coming off, loose skin.) I’m gonna have to go like whatever you call those workouts that destroy you to lose the next 15 pounds. But I’m fucking lazy. And I have a infection for last year and I can’t fucking get antibiotics. I would work out harder than walking but it’s a lung infection and I can’t breathe well.
Yeah, I have been the same way on the drugs they prescribe – weight up and down – its miserable. I was 265 at my heaviest and I’m down to 186 now… that took 4 years to lose… and even then, partly due to the fact that my Dad died, and I stopped eating for awhile because of it…
That is horrible. Yeah, my body is more important to me than being declared whatever the fuck of their 7 grand total diagnoses they have to choose from (OCD bipolar and the other 5) they want to give me and then I’m not joking they basically forced me to take these meds (a month shot x4) no warning of side effects or anything. Now I am more aware like I look up the med I took was blacklisted by the military and I see lawsuit commercials if you have become a compusive gambler yada yada due to psych drug. I’m like NO THANK YOU. Fucking I ain’t taking any of that shit ever again. I’m like if that’s how doctors are I ain’t ever going to another doctor. Fucking ruined me.
I have the pillow thing too, after it went away, nobody wants me.. still pillow cry but not as much… Like you I had a time where I would pass out sobbing