I think I am finally reaching the acceptance stage. I have been in a lot of anguish for the last few months. Wishing I didn’t have to die, trying so hard to make things work even though it was quite obvious to anyone looking in that the damage had been done.
Tonight I went to see a movie. Just to escape the torment that is my life. It was a funny movie. (Bad Moms’ Christmas…highly recommend it….not exactly a specimen of cinematic genius but it was funny and a good way to pass the evening. Also, Christine Baranski is amazing)
I felt really calm afterward. I was walking on the street and I just felt this wave of peace come over me. I felt calm, and even a little bit happy. Not joyful happy but…content, I guess, would be the word. I spontaneoulsy said, out loud to no one in particular, “it’s over”. I smiled when I said it, and even sort of laughed after I said it. Not a huge belly laugh, but a quiet laugh. The people standing at the crosswalk next to me turned and stared but I just ignored them.
It is over and I am at peace with that fact.
3 comments
Breathe deep, and be at peace.
May it follow you from this moment to your last.
Yeah I used to enjoy movies but to get out of house from perverts and other sketchy characters sometimes it is nice place to be. Unless you are surrounded by retarded sketchy characters. My mom started insulting me about how I left in the middle of a movie once so I decided I wasn’t fit to go to movies anymore. And I just think about killing myself the entire movie anyway.
There is the part in “My Best Friend’s wedding” where Julia Roberts is crying in the hallway….The hotel guy comforts her by saying, “This too shall pass.” It’s true. Just let time go by. Things will change and your feelings will change. We all die. It’s best to die when it’s your time. When you wait for your appointed time, you enter the next world with confidence knowing you gave it your all! It’s exciting to see what will happen next in the movie that is this life! I want to know how it ends (Truman Show). If you feel like something is off, please, check your diet and the environment. Avoid chemicals in toothpaste, drinking water etc. Sometimes it’s environmental poisons that alter our perceptions and feelings. Live! : )
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