The other night I had an episode…I started to feel like the pain was taking over. Sometimes I can take a long shower and have a good cry and it releases enough tention to come back, but… This time it just seemed to open up my mind to other options. I got out and against my best judgement began to drink and drink and drink… The tears were to much and the hurting in my chest was crushing… I grabbed my keys and jumped in the car racing down the highway. Luckily within the hour I had come down enough to realize I should go home b4 I hurt some1 else. I came back home and sent some text messages I probably shouldn’t have. After not getting the responses that my drunk mind desired, I opened a bottle of sleeping pills but got scared and only wanted to take enough to sleep 4 a long time… This was Sunday night… It’s Tuesday… I dont want this to sound like a cry for attention or anything… My intent was not to try and hurt any1 else either… I had a stupid weak moment where the pain was unbearable and acted on instinct… I feel like I don’t have enough resources to vent before it becomes too much… My problems r petty but my pain is very real…
3 comments
It only takes the smallest problem to create a big pain. You ever gotten a paper cut before? That shit hurts like a *****! Believe it or not I’d rather get a punch to the gut. Your not weak if your still here fighting.
Your story sounds quite similar to mine. I get drunk and take my misery too far. I now have to completely steer clear of alcohol when I’m in the ‘mode’ as I may be successful in my attempt next time. I have completely lost the trust of my family which is definitely not worth it. Suicide (or attempts) completely crushes the people you leave behind who do love you. Anytime I even think about going down that road again I google ‘survivors of suicide’ and the stories help to bring me off the ledge. Crisis lines help to. My 2nd attempt landed me in the psych ward which is worse then anything you could ever imagine.
I mostly lurk on here but this site helps, a lot of good people here who can sympathize with the pain that life brings. It also helps to know that you are not alone in your feelings. Nobody will generally judge if your problems are ‘petty’. Vent away!
Good luck to you. No judgment. No problem is petty. I hope you get through this. The pain you will leave loved ones is unimaginable.