I’m 23, and I’ve been depressed and suicidal since I was 12 years old. I’ve tried everything I can think of. I don’t know how much longer I can do this. These past few weeks, it’s as if my depression is literally weighing me down- when I’m at work it takes so much effort to just write something, let alone pretend to be perfectly fine when talking to clients and coworkers. I know I’m not alone, in fact more than one of my close friends also suffer from depression, anxiety, etc. but that doesn’t help me feel any better. I am incredibly weak in reality, but am obsessed with wanting to die. Over the past 11, almost 12 years, nothing that I’ve tried or experienced and not a single person that I’ve met has made me believe that life is worth living. I am slowly, but surely, reaching the end. I can feel it.
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I feel you. So much. But please, you still have a long way to go. 23 is the age where life and freedom starts. Where you experience extreme rides in life just like in amusement parks. I know I might be a hypocrite here saying that you should do whatever fulfills you, whatever that makes you happy when in fact I can’t even do those for myself. But hey, life is exciting, isn’t it? You meet unexpected people in unexpected times and I think it’s time for you to realize your self-worth by reaching out to other people aside from your close friends. Find people whom you can connect your soul with. Whom can understand what your going through beneath the surface that no one ever saw. The world still needs you, so please. Don’t ever attempt killing yourself. You are needed. You are cared for. Someone out there still needs you.
you’re very sweet. this is honestly one of the most caring things someone has said to me in quite some time. I do have so many plans, realistically there is so much to look forward too, but getting there just feels so impossible. how can I continue waking up and feeling this way everyday? I can’t even make it through one shift at work without hiding in the back breaking down into tears for no reason, except just feeling absolutely empty and hopeless. I’ve tried making new friends lately, and I did meet a really awesome person who is very inspiring to be around. but of course, I always have that “what if nothing ever changes” thought lingering around in my head, no matter what changes I make or want to make in my life.
Well, you got me there. “What if nothing ever changes”. That thought also lingers through my mind as if some kind of broken tape recorder, going on and on and on. But it is up to us, ourselves, whether we allow the sick feeling to endeavor our whole system or just ignore it and cry for a night or two, then another morning comes, we will be fine. I once read something in Disney. “Happy endings exist. But if you’re still not happy, it is not yet the end.” And I guess, all of us experiencing this kind of feeling is actually a lesson for us to become stronger in the next pages of our life. So please, cheer up. I will be here for you every step of the way.
I have heard that quote before as well. It does give me a bit of peace of mind. I’ve read stories about people who first felt depressed/suicidal at a young age and it never going away, even well into their 70’s and 80’s, and that terrifies me, more than dying at a young age. I know I should be more positive, but it feels just as impossible as the idea of me ever going one day without a suicidal thought. I guess the fact that I am still here means something. I just can’t figure out why.
Have you sought professional help? Carrying that weight around with you will cripple you. Don’t let that happen. You have a future.
I had some therapy when I was younger, but it didn’t appeal to me. It also wasn’t helpful that my mother (who was very abusive) insisted on only allowing me to attend “family therapy” so she could be there to make sure I didn’t say anything about how she treated my brother and I. Two of my close, adult friends attend therapy and it seems to help them. I just don’t know if I can afford it. I recently left my salary job for something that pays much less so I could spend more time focusing on school. Funny enough, I haven’t had the compassion I normally do while working on school.
I know what it’s like to be depressed and suicidal every day. You have to find a reason to try. Get together with your friends.
I do. A lot, actually. I see my friends several times a week, and we stay relatively active. It’s not like we just sit around watching tv every day or anything. I do have reasons, just not the strength. My friends, my family, my job, school, traveling, my future. I know these are all reasons to keep going. But most of the time no matter how many reasons I have, I can’t justify staying alive.
Believe it or not I understand how you feel. I have plenty of strikes against me but a lot going for me too. And I think about suicide daily. Or just dying. It’s my Demon.
I’m sorry that you also feel this way. I think I would be much better off if I got the *occasional* sadness, and not (as you said) an everyday pain, bugging and eating away at me. 🙁