can’t sleep, and no one else is awake. It’s not terribly cold out tonight, so I have my window open (I love sleeping with the windows open) and it’s bringing a strong wave of nostalgia.
i think of nights where I went to sleep with a smile on my face, where I looked forward to waking up. I listen to the wind and the gentle slapping of the loose wooden gate outside and wonder why I feel so alone.
i don’t look forward to waking up anymore. I push myself to sleep as much as I can when I’m not at work so I don’t have to be awake and flooded with darkness. today on a day off, I only left my bed to use the bathroom and feed my roommates cats. I slept most of the day, and now I’m finding it hard to continue sleeping at 1 am.
every night that I lie awake I just hope and pray that the next day I’ll begin healing. that, by some miracle, I won’t spend the next night lying in bed hoping to not wake up anymore. that maybe I’ll meet someone or go somewhere that sparks something inside of me. but I never do.
goodnight, everyone.
4 comments
I know that day will come for you, miszion. Each day might be hard, but your hope for the future is beautiful. You are a wonderful writer and a kind person to others.
thank you very much <3 you are also very kind. thank you for what you said about my writing. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt good about it.
I have been having serious trouble sleeping as well. And all my friends go to bed super early. I used to love the night, and having that time to myself. Now it just highlights my solitude.
same here. my friends will just stop replying and go to sleep, and then I’m engulfed in loneliness. I’m happy I found this site to talk to you all.