do your emotions hold weight?
I mean, real, actual weight.
my sadness is stronger than I am. right now it feels like I’m wearing cinder blocks as shoes, like I have sandbags tied to my wrists, as if my limbs weigh 100 pounds each and I can’t move around. I’m at work, just trying to get through this last hour before I close up, but I feel so fucking heavy and I can’t find the strength to break free of it.
I keep checking my phone. I don’t know why. I’m sort of hoping to get a message from someone who can distract me, or make me feel something. but my phone screen is blank. I’m tossing the idea of getting a drink after I clock out back and forth in my head. but for me, there’s no such thing as just a quick beer after work and going home. one leads to two, to three, to….blacking out. but I need to feel something. Today is one of the days that I can’t feel anything at all. except the feeling of this heavy, sad weight dragging me down.
does anyone else experience this?
4 comments
I would agree with you that sadness can effectively hold weight. Sometimes I feeling like being submerged by it like water and it’s hard to do anything. Whenever I do get out from under it I still never quite loose it because it’s like an anchor. It has some sort of gravitational force that always pulls me back to it.
being submerged in water is a great way to describe it, too. and I agree, I always feel it in the back of my mind or lingering somewhere…I’m never fully free from it.
I know what you mean. Sadness can be so heavy. And I understand the phone checking too. Sometimes I just long for someone, just one friend to call and say they’re thinking about me. It’s exhausting. I hope you feel better.
thank you. I was really relieved to see this feedback when I logged in again tonight. it makes up for not getting any texts. I hope you’ve had/are having a good day and night.