It has been a while since I logged in to this site, but since I’m here again – I guess I have no other getaway.
Life has been going rough, and each day I feel I stray away from my feelings.
I hope that after the next semester, I’ll be able to find a good job at my study field [engineering] and so to help the house’s financial state.
I’m feeling pretty much in the sewers since a month or so. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but everything doesn’t feel right.
I hope it will get better once I finish my last test. I really hope it will…… Each time I’m studying, I have to cope again with all my learning disabilities.
And each time I’m getting grades below average, in spite of the fact that I studied more than anyone, I’m breaking apart.
I’m trying to focus on the two simplest things : studies and money.
I love being alone in my own place, because it lets me deny the fact my life hasn’t been normal in any kind of way.
I’m being attributed as a mentally strong man, and maybe I’m , but it doesn’t mean I don’t feel that I’m completely fucked up.
I guess my final wishes will forever be to find love, but in the same time, I feel like I lack the ability to love and be loved. I always had problems with feelings since a very young age, and I’m starting to worried that I’m on the spectrum of psychopathic.
I assume that nobody tells you about the damage you get once you are being in a bad mental state, but the facts are simple in my case: I fail to make friendships with people my age. I fail to stay next to people my age, I fail to hear about someone’s lack of responsibility like I do (because I envy it) and many other jellousy related problems. Further more – I just feel like twice my age.
Can’t explain any furhtre because I must go now.
Stay strong, be brave, yours – Jac .