I wonder if I could live long enough to be a grandmother. If not to my own grandchildren, to my sisters’.
I wonder if I could make it to the end of this year. I wonder will I ever scoop up any courage to flee for the first time.
I wonder will I ever get to kiss my partner. I wonder if I’ll be known for my voice. I wonder if I could live as a cultural muslim in this stupid society.
I wonder why my partner even loved me when he don’t know how he knew he loved me.
11 comments
What do you mean by “cultural Muslim” ?
All those questions are good ones. All of them.
I saw , from a previous post, you live with a mother who denied you the support every child needs.
I saw , from a previous post, you live in an area that is hard for you (or me if I was there).
I see your partner is far away.
I can relate. That much heartache keeps any of us guessing if our last day is coming sooner rather that later.
By cultural Muslim, do you mean, conforming to expectations of your family? This is yet another stressor. Sorry all this things are made so hard to live with. They sure make a hard life.
Cultural muslim meant someone who engages in the cultural part of islam without necessarily believing in Allah. Celebrating eid, fasting in ramadhan, I can do that. It just gets tiring to pretend like I’m praying to sth I don’t believe in and for this I hope my parents can understand but they can’t. They think morality derives purely from religion and it’s impossible to be good if you’re a non-believer.
Religion, especially Islam, in my country, is not personal. Some muslims believe that if they let another muslim sin, they’ll be held accountable during the Judgement Day for that. For enabling people to sin. It’s ridiculous.
Ramadan starts tomorrow, will you be be fasting? I lost my faith when I was 19. I questioned my religion and Allah a lot. Like you, I too believe that you can have good morals and values without being religious. However, nowadays I’m looking to return to religion, I’ve explored and delved in to sin to many degrees. Never hurt anyone except myself. But people lost respect for me and unfriended me. I lost a lot of people. Good people. Now I have no one but Allah and his wrath is upon me. Not only will I pay for my sins in the hereafter but also in this world too and I’m only half way through through life.
I see what you mean. I had not seen that phrase before and it perfectly describes your situation. Some parents here in the US expect their offspring to be “cultural” catholics, mormons, jews, etc. Those parents make their children who don’t “practice” the parental faith quite uncomfortable. The society as a whole does not though.
Ironic isn’t it? I mean, faith is faith only if it is faith, right? I mean you can only believe, really believe, if you choose to. A forced faith is no faith at all, just eye service or servitude or something.
If I may ask, does your government share some of it’s judicial power with a Muslim sect?
Yea, I will try my best to fast just for the health benefits of intermittent fasting. Not for God.
Sad what happened to you though. I hope your path to god be a satisfying one, though painful as it seems.
@a1957 we have a syariah court for muslims being caught drinking or to settle divorce for a muslim marriage. We mostly follow the Sunni Syafie sect of Islam.
as to your question, maybe? the punishments we currently have for people caught sinning is based on the syafie interpretation of hadith or quran.
I would think of that as sharing judicial power. I see some governments have shared judicial power with religious groups or acted to enforced religious doctrines for religious groups going back perhaps 3500 years or so. That makes for some uncomfortable situations if someone does not conform and gets caught.
So I take it this court deals with moral violations and then leaves criminal matters to the government? i hope you are ok with all the questions.
yeah, for dealing with criminal stuffs, we have the civil court.
Just know I and I am sure others are reading what you are going through. Oh man it is heartache for you. I hope you can have peace.
I can only imagine what it would be like to contemplate being brought into a religious court on a charge. I can only imagine cold fear. I can only imagine because I live in the US and there are no religious courts here, as far as we know.
About twenty years ago I was being recruited for a job in UAE. It was a great job, good pay. But I had just finished reading a book about what may happen in Saudi if you are brought before a religious court. I know, two different countries, but still, the fear of what might happen to me or my family in the region if we traveled somewhere and unknowingly violated a tenant of the faith, was enough to make me decline the opportunity.
Thanks for reading and I hope you get the freedom you need.