Hello. This is my first post here.
I’m not going to review my whole life here, but to summarise, I’m in tenth grade, have been fucked by my life for years being gaybashed by my parents and having no real friend.
I was accepted into the highschool I have dreamt for my whole life, but I’m still a tool here doing the group assignments all by myself and failing my exams. I’ve been cutting myself for months, and my parents found it out. But they just worried of people discovering it. They didn’t give me a fuck. I have some “friends” but I cannot talk about my problems to them. I don’t want to bother them. It’s too hard to pretend everything is okay while my life is falling all apart. I never had any relationship: People would freak out when I tell them about my suicidal thoughts.
My past is traumatic, my present is depressing and my future haunts me. I hate myself, and I cannot stop criticising myself. Idiot, drama queen, failure, …
So that’s how it is. And I have searched for a bunch of methods to end myself, but most of the methods I cannot afford and also I’m afraid of failure. I’m afraid of being discovered.
Thank you for reading a long rant, if there’s anyone who did.
4 comments
It wasn’t that long.. Very scary when you want to end your life but can find no way out.
Ja. It’s like an endless labrynth of torture.
I’ve never asked to be here but I have to struggle my way out, away from all those pains and demons
Thanks for coming here and talking to us about it. Sadly, there’s no great advice I could give you as I feel the same, but I hope that by acknowledging that I read this and care for you and understand the pain in your life I can make you feel just a little better. You’ll always have a friend here.
Hmm… it seems like you need to find some gay friends, maybe even a lover, I hope that could help.
I also wish that people wouldn’t freak out if you told then that you’re suicidal. 🙁
I mean, yeah it’s scary, knowing that you could lose your best friend, but it would be nice if they could try and help you too…
Life is ephemeral and fleeting, it can come and go at any second.
We should try and make the most of it but neither push ourselves too hard or be surprised if things suddenly go wrong, you never know what will happen.
Do what makes you happy and stick with that…
Idk, I hope this helps…