i have been trying to talk to everyone around me but its no use . i have no future . i finished high school and i wasn’t accepted in any collage and my parents aren’t allowing me to travel . all my friends just started their first semesters and i can’t show how sad i am because i have to be happy for them .
im thinking whats the point of existing when im such a stupid existence . im literally just the most average being to ever exist . i always convinced myself that its too early to die in high school maybe ill get a better collage experience . i coped with self harm for 3 years hiding it so much , because here self-harmers are sinners who deserve death . suicide is a sin too . for everyday i wake up to imagine knives stabbing me or my body falling to crash or every window to smile at me . no one cares and it doesnt matter , but now for sure i know i have no future , im not special , im nothing .
i must carry on my plans and get my blade sharp enough , i must die
such useless unworthy disappointment .
4 comments
You have a future, you’re only starting out in life, negative emotions have clouded your judgement so you have started to believe them, could you reach out to your friends for support
Hey.
I’m pretty much in the same boat as you. On good days, I feel alone. On bad days, I feel like a waste of space. Something that shouldn’t have existed in the first place. And it sure doesn’t help when people tell me that what I’m doing is a sin, cause it’s sure as hell not like I WANT to feel this way!
So I’m not gonna tell you life’s worth living, because I have a hard time believing that most days. And I’m not going to tell you what to do. But I am gonna say that I care. And I want you to get through this. Sometimes, it just helps to know that there is someone on your side. And maybe that’s not enough on its own. (Maybe I’m just grasping at straws.) But it’s all I can give. I hope that that is at least enough to keep you going through the night.
Stay strong.
Yeah, I was suicidal in middle school, I gave high school a shot and was still suicidal, I knew nothing would get better so I tried my damdest to end my life upon graduation… that never happened so i never went to college because i was intent upon ending my life as soon as high school was through… my only plan and the one i knew i would stick with..,.here I am 6 years later, the hand on the clock hasn’t ever moved and I’m still trying to be able to end my life…I’m 24…. just trying to find the right time to commit…. really a full time job searching for the right method, the right time and the right place.
Ideally i woukd have committed way back in middle school, and it wouldnt have made a difference to anyone, but been the best possible thing for myself