So, someone me and one of my ex’s used to try and help for a while died not long ago.
Not just died but killed himself with an overdose in the doorway of a ‘suicide prevention service’.
And then they proceed to write articles about a perfect but troubled ‘beautiful young man’. Are you fucking kidding me, that guy was low-key trouble. He seemed like he held ideologies but when he was on his own with me he’d get funny with me and just help himself to everything in the kitchen. Not to mention the heroin addiction, he wanted to reel me in. Another ex at the time threatened to burn his squat down. I was not in a good place in life at that time. I still wished him the best, just told him to do better… as in stop the drugs.
So yeah, then I heard him play a song as one of my friends on facebook found him wandering another town. By the time I had said to her ‘just be careful’ he had killed himself.
Noone deserves it, it does bother me. In a way I feel like why does he get the easy way out with drugs like that and I stay sober but have to watch people glorify that person. Life’s a joke. Everyone that’s done me wrong has a better life than me, or has escaped this life completely. I have literally just watched a narcissist find a ‘great life’ with another person too and start doing the same crafts as me, sending them as pictures to me. I feel crazy with sadness. I feel lost and why the fuck do I get involved with anyone? I’m an empty jug tryinng to pour out for everyone but no one sees that. I noticed I hadn’t wanted to die in a while today but I think Im just lost in my head. When can things get better?
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I gave my ex literally everything, was always there for him, always listened to his problems, always cared about him, we had such great times together. He was always very nice, very caring, lovely…
only to find out a couple of days ago (he told me) that he was eyeing another girl a few weeks before me and him broke up. He started dating that girl after we broke up. So that means all the really nice things he told me in those few weeks were complete rubbish. And he gave me ‘oh I had feelings for you still’ rubbish. Don’t play with peoples feelings. Nobody had ever given him so much before. He never had actually had a girlfriend before me. Now I know why.
This is only one example, because I never learn! In this case though, this guy didn’t show any signs whatsoever of being manipulative. He was so sneaky and I didn’t see it coming! And I bet if it doesn’t work out between him and this girl, he’ll come crawling back to me like some baby asking if I’ll want him.
Sorry for talking about myself. I admit most of the people who bullied me in school have a better life than me as well. I’ve been treated badly most of my life and that example above, seriously, I really have very little faith in humanity now.
How can I put it, I’ve known alot of people who have hurt me. But they got ahead in life. I lived with my abusive father for 25 years. I guess I’m only one of the very few who knew how abusive he really is. The world saw him as some kind and nice helpful person. He put on this front for the world so they wouldn’t find out how he really is. To the world me mum and him looked like a happy family who had it all together. Nothing could be further from the truth. He had bullied me for years about mouth breathing, calling me a retard and other names which made me cry and I went to my room, he told me to stop being a sook and crybaby. He threatened to kick me out multiple times or ‘send me somewhere’. I never went outside alone, not even for school. He made me feel like I couldn’t go outside alone. The last time I went outside was with my ex for 14 days. When I came back I was endlessly berated and blamed even though I left a note.
Recently I was able to leave the clutches of his abuse… but anyway. He gets a pension for the rest of his life for putting on a ‘nice’ front for the world and manipulating everyone, including in his job. The world is completely unfair…
One face for the world and another for you. Yeah I completely understand you have no idea. We get huge chunks of our lives destroyed by these people, people say it’s a choice feeling like a victim but what little they know… I’ve also had abusive family members, these kinds of people are hard to distance oneself from. Get angry, get ready to fight because the quality of your life depends upon it. Speak truth as well, call them out whether to their face or at their funeral because nothing worse than keeping that inside. Things can get better.