Why am I so terrified of intimacy (besides the obvious reasons like the 100s of scars on my thighs)? Does anyone else have to get drunk to be able to be close to someone else?
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It’s a broad range of emotions. Timidity, maybe? Do you suffer from bashfulness?
Being “intimate” however you exclusively define the term with or without words…… a different spectrum for each occurrence rather sober or on one. It’s different but it blends into you. It makes you what you are.
What I mean is that I’ve never been really close to a guy in any way even though I crave that kind of connection. It’s just I don’t think that I could ever get that close to someone when sober; it causes me so much anxiety just thinking about it, like there’s a physical barrier. When I’m drunk, though, I connect with random guys. Like, I’ve only ever kissed someone when drunk. Does that mean there’s something wrong with me?
velveteennightingale, you really helped me understand something here. You helped me see that anxiety about intimacy has a broad continuum from mild to show stopping unless drunk. I used to go to the bars a lot and sometimes I saw the barriers lower as the BAC rose. Because of what you just wrote I can see how some of us could not have sober closeness because we could only overcome the anxiety when drunk. I never comprehended this before and now I see it plainly. Hey, you are not alone in this. This would very treatable by a therapist, just keep the therapy drug free you know?
Well I am basically the same as you except alcohol doesnt even work for me… I could be drunk af and still wouldnt be able to find confidence to talk to a girl on intimate level. I dont know what am I so afraid of. I dont know what is wrong with me.
Im 19 and I just recently learned to be able to at least somewhat have a normal conversation with a girl without freaking out ( I hope). Intimacy is a whole another level tho… I have never been kissed or even held hands with someone so I think you ´ll be fine. It could be worse.
well I was with my ex for the first time irl and I was really nervous and scared, then he showered alone and I was waiting in the bedroom. He came out and sat next to me and not long after we were n a k e d. Weird.
I’m just too scared to tell anyone (a therapist or otherwise). Even if I did overcome my intense fear of intimacy, no one would want to see me anyway. So many scars on my legs. I’m fat, ugly, emotionally damaged. Maybe my fear of intimacy is just a defense mechanism against getting heartbroken when someone sees the real me.
I get the scared to tell anyone part. Even after seeing my therapist for over 3 years I am still get tense when seeing her. She has been totally supportive even when I have told her some really disgusting stuff about me. She has never put the least amount of shame or guilt on me.
I also get the part about not getting heart broken. That is largely preventable.