Well, sometimes you hate someone or you re so scared by them it is normal to want to murder them. I have PTSD so I can only speak from my point of view. But I guess sometimes when your situation is not bearable and what s making you suffer so much is an individual your brain sends you a very clear message : it is easier and safer to suppress the threat. When I was ten, my step father would tell me horrible stuff (sometimes he even hit me) and turn my family against me. It was only 2 years after my mother remarried but it broke something in me. I realized my mom wasn’t going to leave him and no one would take me seriously when I told them how horrible he was and how much I suffered. I was so scared and out of options that I really wanted to kill him and the only way I could put myself to sleep was by imagining him dead. I felt terrible for this as I was very religious at that age. But I haven’t done everything to him, I know I never will. Sometimes the pain is too much and people s indifference and cruaulty is making our brains have very strange thoughts. It is horrible to see how people choose over and over to close their eyes and not care about us but as the same time fake interest and pity us like we re some kind of lost puppy’s. What you re feeling is not madness only a violent response to a violent situation. As long as you don’t do anything bad, I think you re a decent person.
I’m the same as you like a child in a very abusive situation. I may have not thought about killing, but I tried to speak up about it and get trusted folk to leave the untrusted, nothing happened. I didn’t try to kill but I decided I’d be happy if that person were to die. That never happened either and the abuse continued. I guess from that day I realized in order to have a life worth living id have to move out. If I was unable to ever move out I’d have to commit suicide. I could never be as happy as I should be here. But now suicide is just something I prefer. Unfortunately I am way past due yet still can’t move out. I always said if I couldn’t get out at 18, then I never will so the only thing I can really do is commit. I am now 24 and still in that same horrible helpless abused ten year old space. I try not to worry about it though because I hold on to suicide like it is my religion and will set me free.
I honestly don’t care what other people do/say/think/believe, by god, I just want to kill myself. Lol. I am a suicide by and by to my core. Can’t wait to end my life. But some days I do imagine a place where there aren’t so many f*cking freaks. I’m sure it would be a lot easier for me to do my duty (suicide.)
Well good luck on your way out of all this misery. I hope you ll find some sense of peace and that your pain will end quickly. I wish you good luck, knowing that I won’t change your mind and that killing yourself sometimes is the best option. I changed my mind on suicide very recently as I chose to live rather than putting an end to all of it in February. And I know that maybe I ll be in full suicide mode tomorrow, next week or in a couple of hours even. So whether you change your mind on suicide or not, I think the sane thing to do is to find a way to less suffering, because there is no reward nor meaning in the pointless torture that is depression and/or PTSD
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Well, sometimes you hate someone or you re so scared by them it is normal to want to murder them. I have PTSD so I can only speak from my point of view. But I guess sometimes when your situation is not bearable and what s making you suffer so much is an individual your brain sends you a very clear message : it is easier and safer to suppress the threat. When I was ten, my step father would tell me horrible stuff (sometimes he even hit me) and turn my family against me. It was only 2 years after my mother remarried but it broke something in me. I realized my mom wasn’t going to leave him and no one would take me seriously when I told them how horrible he was and how much I suffered. I was so scared and out of options that I really wanted to kill him and the only way I could put myself to sleep was by imagining him dead. I felt terrible for this as I was very religious at that age. But I haven’t done everything to him, I know I never will. Sometimes the pain is too much and people s indifference and cruaulty is making our brains have very strange thoughts. It is horrible to see how people choose over and over to close their eyes and not care about us but as the same time fake interest and pity us like we re some kind of lost puppy’s. What you re feeling is not madness only a violent response to a violent situation. As long as you don’t do anything bad, I think you re a decent person.
I’m the same as you like a child in a very abusive situation. I may have not thought about killing, but I tried to speak up about it and get trusted folk to leave the untrusted, nothing happened. I didn’t try to kill but I decided I’d be happy if that person were to die. That never happened either and the abuse continued. I guess from that day I realized in order to have a life worth living id have to move out. If I was unable to ever move out I’d have to commit suicide. I could never be as happy as I should be here. But now suicide is just something I prefer. Unfortunately I am way past due yet still can’t move out. I always said if I couldn’t get out at 18, then I never will so the only thing I can really do is commit. I am now 24 and still in that same horrible helpless abused ten year old space. I try not to worry about it though because I hold on to suicide like it is my religion and will set me free.
I honestly don’t care what other people do/say/think/believe, by god, I just want to kill myself. Lol. I am a suicide by and by to my core. Can’t wait to end my life. But some days I do imagine a place where there aren’t so many f*cking freaks. I’m sure it would be a lot easier for me to do my duty (suicide.)
Well good luck on your way out of all this misery. I hope you ll find some sense of peace and that your pain will end quickly. I wish you good luck, knowing that I won’t change your mind and that killing yourself sometimes is the best option. I changed my mind on suicide very recently as I chose to live rather than putting an end to all of it in February. And I know that maybe I ll be in full suicide mode tomorrow, next week or in a couple of hours even. So whether you change your mind on suicide or not, I think the sane thing to do is to find a way to less suffering, because there is no reward nor meaning in the pointless torture that is depression and/or PTSD