It was weird seeing things I wrote 4 years ago. In so many ways, I have come a long way. In so many ways, I have stayed the same.
So I was V.C.333 when I was here before. I have no idea what that name means, or where I got it from. I just went back to the time I was around here before and found the posts.
Things are not as bleak and hopeless as they seemed then. I was on a lot of medication then for fibromyalgia and neuropathy. I went to a new doctor, and she said that before she would see me, I had to get off all my meds. We made a 4 week plan, and I did it. After that, I felt so much better, that I just did some physical therapy and never went back on them again. (The first two weeks of detox were hell, but it got much better.)
I now do yoga and meditation.
I still have some pain, but not near as much as I did when I was on pain meds and nerve meds.
I still fantasize about death. That is why I am here again. That never really goes away, but I manage it. I just needed to talk to people who understand, so I am back.
I was in counseling and on meds for awhile. I felt better, so I got a part time job. Then I lost my medicaid. lmao
Now I am out of counseling and getting back off my meds.
Oh well, that’s life. Right? Up and down. Never up too long and never stable.
2 comments
I’m tired of my mind perpetually swinging like a pendulum. Even if things do get better, I honestly don’t want them to. I don’t want whatever is the best that this existence has to offer. Just let it all end. Just let it all stop.
Yeeeah…”what about all the happy times you miss out on” oh you mean those ones that I just find more of a major annoyance? Yeah I’ll pass. And that’s what they don’t see. Yes there is the occasional “happy day” i don’t know about anyone else here but I know I can be having the best day of my life and then an hour later I’m bawling my eyes out holding a bottle of pills (little bit of an exaggeration because I don’t have a bottle of pills to hold but I think you get the point) and that is really fucking annoying. Yeah I had a good time but why can’t it last a little bit longer so it’s at least worth it.