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Found My Old Posts

by DogCat

It was weird seeing things I wrote 4 years ago. In so many ways, I have come a long way. In so many ways, I have stayed the same.

So I was V.C.333 when I was here before. I have no idea what that name means, or where I got it from. I just went back to the time I was around here before and found the posts.

Things are not as bleak and hopeless as they seemed then. I was on a lot of medication then for fibromyalgia and neuropathy. I went to a new doctor, and she said that before she would see me, I had to get off all my meds. We made a 4 week plan, and I did it. After that, I felt so much better, that I just did some physical therapy and never went back on them again. (The first two weeks of detox were hell, but it got much better.)

I now do yoga and meditation.

I still have some pain, but not near as much as I did when I was on pain meds and nerve meds.

I still fantasize about death. That is why I am here again. That never really goes away, but I manage it. I just needed to talk to people who understand, so I am back.

I was in counseling and on meds for awhile. I felt better, so I got a part time job. Then I lost my medicaid. lmao

Now I am out of counseling and getting back off my meds.

Oh well, that’s life. Right? Up and down. Never up too long and never stable.

 

 

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WaitLonger 10/23/2019 - 11:40 pm

I’m tired of my mind perpetually swinging like a pendulum. Even if things do get better, I honestly don’t want them to. I don’t want whatever is the best that this existence has to offer. Just let it all end. Just let it all stop.

It'll Be Ok 10/24/2019 - 6:13 am

Yeeeah…”what about all the happy times you miss out on” oh you mean those ones that I just find more of a major annoyance? Yeah I’ll pass. And that’s what they don’t see. Yes there is the occasional “happy day” i don’t know about anyone else here but I know I can be having the best day of my life and then an hour later I’m bawling my eyes out holding a bottle of pills (little bit of an exaggeration because I don’t have a bottle of pills to hold but I think you get the point) and that is really fucking annoying. Yeah I had a good time but why can’t it last a little bit longer so it’s at least worth it.

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