I wanted this tiny issue resolved, after wasting a whole day on it. So I persisted. I faced my fear. I tried other avenues. I panicked. Now I feel shame. I feel fear. I feel…pathetic.
Some people were nice. Some were alarmed. The minor issue is somewhat resolved, though threads lie untied.
But I feel…worthless. Pathetic. Inferior. Disgusting. Inadequate. Hopeless. Like the ground should just swallow me up.
Nothing significantly bad will result. Those who think worse of me are unlikely to do anything about it. Nothing major will happen.
But I have exposed myself as unworthy – as inadequate – as weird, erratic, inferior, pathetic. I have allowed the world to see my weakness, my shame.
In a few days, this tiny incident will join the exhaustive list of times I felt socially out of my depth. But right now, I just want not to be. I want this feeling to stop. I want a drink, but there’s no drink in the house.
I’m alone, with my shame & self-hatred.
2 comments
it will pass
i promise
think back to all the other times
they weigh almost absolutely nothing now
This too shall fall in value till it’s worth absolutely nothing
Leave it in the background to depreciate by itself as the days go buy
Head Up High
Look Forward
Focus on what’s ahead
You Can Do This
<3
“Hopeless. Like the ground should just swallow me up. ”
Hello, I feel you. Yet, you did it. You are not worthless. You simply don’t believe in yourself and pass through unbelievable levels of self-shame, guilt and self-pity, unknown by others, by the mainstream “normal” people, who would cast you to hell only to make themselves feel better.
I have something for you: Survive friend, live to you true self. Fight for yourself, because yes nobody else will do it.
“Inadequate”
Even to this day, I still feel myself inadequate. Yet, I carry on. Sometimes I loose my hope too, but thankfully Farah came here today and I already feel hopeful again.
My advice: Listen to the most positive music you can find.